I finished the Harry Potter series the other day. I immediately jumped to another book about magic and wizards and shit, but aimed towards adult readers. With all the reading I've been doing about the subject, my head is currently swimming in imaginary adventures of magic and spells and incantations, and it's all been really stupid and fun and pointless.
Christine O'Donnell is the Republican candidate for Delaware's senate seat. I had to do a double take when I saw this headline.
O'Donnell: No Witchcraft Since High School
Delaware Republican Senate nominee Christine O'Donnell on Sunday chalked up her experimentation in sorcery to being a teenager, saying there's no magical explanation to her 1999 confession that she "dabbled into witchcraft."
Speaking to Republican picnic-goers, the insurgent Tea Party candidate said she didn't doing anything differently than lots of kids at that age.
"I was in high school, how many of you didn't hang out with questionable folks in high school? But no, there's been no witchcraft since," she said, shrugging off her dalliances with the dark arts.
"Now let’s put that to rest and move on to what we’re going to do," she said.
[...]
"I hung around people who were doing these things. I'm not making this stuff up. I know what they told me they do," she said.
[...]
"One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar, and I didn't know it. I mean, there's little blood there and stuff like that," she said, laughing in the clip.
"We went to a movie and then had a little midnight picnic on a satanic altar," she said.
What the hell is she doing? Doesn't she know that muggles like us aren't supposed to know about magic!? The Ministry can't possibly wipe so many memories, now that this has been blasted on a major media outlet! And no witchcraft since high school!? Why the hell was she kicked out of Hogwarts!? Dumbledore is usually very understanding, so she must have been into some really dark shit. I bet she was in Slytherin. Oh my goodness! Do you think she was a Death Eater?!
I will bet my kidney that she thinks she "dabbled in witchcraft" because her friends made her play with an Ouija Board one time, and it freaked her the fuck out.
Glen Urquhart, Delaware's GOP candidate for the House, said that O'Donnell's comments were "unfortunate." Were they unfortunate because now we know she's a fucking idiot who thinks we're living in Hogwarts? Well actually, "I obviously wish that Christine O'Donnell hadn't dabbled in witchcraft. I think she wishes she hadn't dabbled in witchcraft. I know that she has committed to Christ." Ah. So he believes in witchcraft too. So instead of flailing his arms in disgust at the thought of someone in his party believing in witchcraft, he simply finds it unfortunate that someone in his party had previously aligned herself with Lord Voldemort. Republicans are very anti-Voldemort.
As much as I would like to, I really cannot fucking believe this. Look at us. We are discussing witchcraft, on a national level, in the year 2010. Witchcraft. There are people who still believe in this shit. In the United States! Did you know there are schools in the United States? That's what I just can't get. Americans are educated, and believe in witchcraft at the same time. How... okay. I can't think about this for much longer, I feel like blood is going to spontaneously start gushing out of my ears.
Why don't we just take the plunge? Ever since Obama took office, liberals have been called Nazis, and communists, and socialists, and Muslim terrorist sympathizers, and grandma-murderers, and every other "bad guy" the mind can possibly fathom, short of Snidely Whiplash. Why don't we just bite the bullet and start accusing liberals of witchcraft? They hate America, so it's probably even true. We're so lucky tea party candidates like John Dennis are so far ahead of the game. He's already accused Nancy Pelosi of witchcraft! THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO LAY WITH SATAN, YOU DEMONIC WHORE!
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