So I guess tonight on Spike TV's Deadliest Warrior, they put Theodore Roosevelt up against Lawrence of Arabia. No, really. I stopped watching this show halfway through the first episode because I quickly learned that it was a giant pile of horseshit, and so I was unaware that they had moved beyond specific soldier types (i.e., samurai, roman centurions) and moved on to actual historical figures. You can watch the first fifteen minutes if you want a good laugh. I couldn't make it past a couple minutes. Roosevelt won.
I was curious to know what kind of other horrifying monstrosities this show conjured, and so I looked up a list of episodes. You can easily guess the result of these matchups by just looking at whoever the American was. The American guy always wins. Did you know George Washington could beat Napoleon Bonaparte? I mean, it's almost as if these fucking idiots have never read anything about history in their entire god damn lives. Washington was a mediocre tactician at best, oftentimes bordering on incompetent. I'm not lying. The New York and New Jersey campaigns were god damn fiascos, and Washington basically did everything wrong. He came extremely close to being relieved of command by Congress. He would learn more as the war progressed (he had never before commanded an army when the war broke out), but even at his best Washington wouldn't stand a chance against Napoleon fucking Bonaparte. You may as well give George McClellan's army a bunch of swords and put him up against Hannibal Barca. What the christ.
The Deadliest Warrior wiki (it exists) described Napoleon as a "bloodthirsty French Emperor whose maniacal dream was to conquer the world" so it's not like they were biased or anything. I mean, I'm no Napoleon apologist, but the guy wasn't a sociopath for christsake. Holy shit I am so angry right now. If this is the only exposure to history the general public gets, then small wonder nobody knows fucking shit about history. This is why right wingers are able to make shit up American history and get away with it. God pissing damn it.
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