Sunday, May 31, 2009

This is like a month old, but I don't care because it's just too awesome. I've never heard of Mark Levin or David Frum before. I guess they're both conservative radio hosts. But there's a problem. And Mark Levin WILL. NOT. HAVE IT. David Frum seems to have developed -- brace yourself -- a mind of his own. He actually has the audacity to question the collective. His programming is malfunctioning, and he's become self-aware. Here's an excerpt from an article he wrote on March 2.
"On the one side, the president of the United States: soft-spoken and conciliatory, never angry, always invoking the recession and its victims. This president invokes the language of “responsibility,” and in his own life seems to epitomize that ideal: He is physically honed and disciplined, his worst vice an occasional cigarette. He is at the same time an apparently devoted husband and father. Unsurprisingly, women voters trust and admire him.

And for the leader of the Republicans? A man who is aggressive and bombastic, cutting and sarcastic, who dismisses the concerned citizens in network news focus groups as “losers.” With his private plane and his cigars, his history of drug dependency and his personal bulk, not to mention his tangled marital history, Rush is a walking stereotype of self-indulgence – exactly the image that Barack Obama most wants to affix to our philosophy and our party. And we’re cooperating! Those images of crowds of CPACers cheering Rush’s every rancorous word – we’ll be seeing them rebroadcast for a long time."
And here's where it gets good. On Mark Levin's radio show, he and David Frum have a spirited discussion on the article.



DAVID FRUM, YOU COMMIE SHITBAG, STEP THE FUCK BACK IN LINE.

I listened to Rush Limbaugh on the drive to Macomb a couple weeks ago to clean out my apartment. I do this because I'm a masochist. And I had no CD player. He said that Barack Obama is trying to buy out and control all the minority radio stations so he can spread his message and brainwash us. Obama's also Hugo Chavez. And black.

They really can't get over that black thing. They're obsessed with it. When Hannity interviewed Rush a couple months ago, I couldn't stop laughing at the way Rush said the following sentence, and this is paraphrased from memory: "The only reason the media loves Barack Obama is because he's black." This statement is hilariously retarded by itself, but it was doubly funny because Rush lowered his voice when he said "because he's black." Good thing the blacks don't watch national television, or they might have heard him!

Conservatives on television and radio always love reminding their audiences about their high ratings. And by high ratings, I mean big penises. They have bigger penises higher ratings than deh libruls, you know. This isn't because they actually speak truth, it's because they know what entertains. It isn't even about the message. They know what keeps people listening, and so they do it. For crying out loud, they got me listening. They've trapped me! But I don't feel guilty about listening to Rush, because I zone out when the commercials come on, and commercials are his only source of revenue. Seriously, does anyone even pay attention to commercials? Ever? It's always been a wonder to me how advertising is actually effective. I don't understand it.

"The formula for making you, the viewer, the listener, mad hasn't changed a bit, yet people keep falling for it."



I just can't understand why he's gone through three divorces. He sure does appreciate the sanctity of marriage.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Sometimes I listen to Rush Limbaugh to test my arteries.



Yes. Please keep driving that wedge in between moderate Republicans and fanatics. That's how elections are lost.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Happy Memorial Day

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Other Sunday Youtube Post

Think of this as compensation for how little I've been updating lately.

Tracy Morgan is the most underrated cast member in SNL history. And I've never even seen 30 Rock. Yes, I am ashamed of that.





Sunday Youtube Post

Part 1



Part 2

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Some people found a dead monkey.





I hope I never fall into a tar pit or anything. I don't want my body being dug up a few million years from now by any alien explorers. They would X-ray me, and might find that my last meal was an Orange Crush-covered hot pocket. The shame.

This thing isn't any sort of defining "missing link" between apes and humans like the media is trying to make it, unless you count every single ape or monkey ever discovered as a missing link (which they are). I read a book on evolution a couple months ago, and now that I actually have a real good idea of how it works, this is really exciting to me. This is now the evolution post.

Every so often, a creature experiences a random mutation. These are usually minor and unnoticeable. When that creature reproduces, its mutation is passed onto its offspring. Then its offspring passes it onto its own offspring. If that mutation is beneficial, then it will increase the creature's chances of survival, and thus increase its chances of reproducing. Likewise, if that mutation is just a burdensome deformity, it's going to get killed without ever getting the chance to mate, and so its mutation dies with it. If this goes on for millions and millions of years, these small changes will eventually make certain species morph into other species, with every generation having better tools for surviving than its parents. This process is called natural selection. When human design is added to the picture, the process is sped the fuck up, and it only takes hundreds of years instead of millions. That's why we have a bajillion different breeds of dogs -- we created them. It's why we're able to eat most of the fruit and vegetables we can -- we've only been allowing the things we can eat to grow, and their health benefits have been slowly increasing with our selection for thousands of years. That's how we created the edible banana out of the poisonous wild one.




Normal banana

Evolution is a fact. (And by "fact," I mean a gigantic lie created by Satan.) If someone ever tells you that evolution is "only a theory," you need ask them why they don't believe in the theory of gravity. Then punch them in the neck before they can answer. Scientists do not use the word "theory" in the same way we do in every day life. The reason why we don't call evolution a law is because laws in science are concrete, and can never be altered. We are constantly finding new and interesting things to add onto evolution. Like that scary monkey-chupacabra thing.

We know evolution is a fact because we can observe the human body. At a certain point while we're in the womb, we grow an entire coat of hair that covers our entire bodies. Of course it all falls off eventually, but that is the exact same stage in ape fetuses where they grow their hair! Fuck, that's cool. Also, every embryo, of every vertebrae, on the entire planet, all develop in the exact same way. It develops from looking exactly like a fish embryo, into an amphibian embryo, to a reptile embryo, to a bird embryo, and finally to mammal -- the exact order of how all animals evolved.

Evolution's also proven by vestigial organs. A vestigial organ is an organ that is completely useless. No designer would have put them in. A short list:
  • Wings on flightless birds.
Most flightless birds that have walked the earth are actually now extinct, because their arms were fucking useless. Penguins do well because they've learned to compensate by swimming, and ostriches do well because they use their extremely powerful legs as weapons much like their dinosaur ancestors; but even then, there are still a lot of ostrich subspecies that have gone extinct. Seriously though, what kind of designer would design the god damn kiwi?


Look at that ugly fucker. That's something I would make in Spore for a laugh.
  • Whales have leg bones.
Whales came from land creatures, and they still have parts left behind. On very rare occasions, whales can be born with legs on the outside their bodies. On even rarer occasions, those legs could have feet, and even toes. The hippopotamus is probably going to evolve into a whale-like creature eventually.


  • We have tailbones.
Our tailbone is useless, except that it really really hurts when you land on it. Babies are sometimes born with tails.


  • We have an appendix.
In herbivores, the appendix is much larger and helps digest leaves. We don't eat leaves anymore, so now our appendix is smaller, serves absolutely no purpose, and occasionally gets clogged up and kills people. God designed that for us because he loves us.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Back in February, Senator Sheldon Whitehouse of Rhode Island gave this speech to the Senate. It's what convinced me to support investigations into the Bush Administration.



Last week, Whitehouse spearheaded the first public hearing on the torture memos since they were released. I have no idea what that means. I don't know what they're trying to accomplish, or if they have the power to prosecute anyone, but I'm assuming they don't since everybody's ignoring this. This is the first baby step, I guess? I don't know. I've googled the hell out of this and I can't find shit, and it's really pissing me off.

Anyway, here's Whitehouse on Olbermann the night before the hearings



And here's Whitehouse's opening statement in these hearings.



Normal people become fans of actors, or fans of sports stars. I'm a fan of a senator.

Sunday Youtube Post

Here's something I made a year ago. It's best viewed when you're either high, or deprived of sleep. I've never been high, but looking at the result of sleep deprivation, I'm guessing there isn't much of a difference.



Internet: My Anti-Drug

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Did you know Star Trek is a gift from God? Because it is. The title of this hilarious embarrassment implies that it's about Star Trek being a gift from God, but it's really just trying to argue that we should invest in new military technologies. Because our military industrial complex totally isn't doing enough of that. I bet you couldn't guess this is from Fox News.

These are the ramblings of a five year old who just got back from the movie theater and thought all the explosions were really cool. I strongly advise everyone to read the entire thing, but here's the spark notes anyway in case you're a lazy fuck. I really did try to cut back on length, but there were just too many great parts.
  • "[...]what if we could apply “Star Trek” technology to practical issues in front of us, such as growing the economy, improving health, and, perhaps most profoundly and urgently of all, defending the U.S. and its allies, including Israel?"
I don't... wait... what?
  • "Why don’t we have force field technology? Scientists can use small magnets and lasers now for industrial processes; why not deploy giant magnets and lasers for national security? Some might say that we will get them eventually, but maybe we need them now. Right now, and in a big way–because we are increasingly vulnerable to various kinds of weapons of mass destruction. For all the progress we have made in virtualization and miniaturization, the fact remains that our corporeal selves, our cities, and our nation states are all acutely vulnerable."
Wow. Wow. I'm pretty sure we could use every technology that doesn't exist. How is it even possible for an active member of society to rationalize like this? Once when we were ten, my friend Drew Kuhnke and I convinced ourselves that the Force from Star Wars really existed. You know why? Because we were ten.
  • "If force fields and the like seem far out, well, then, maybe we need far-seeing leaders."
This has gone beyond humor. It's just depressing now.
  • "Why doesn’t the U.S. have such safekeeping, peacekeeping technology? Maybe the answer is that our leaders have not had enough faith. That’s right, not enough faith. They didn’t see that the futuristic techno-wonders depicted in sci-fi were signs. They didn’t see that these wonders were advance indicators of miracles that could be, if only we could envision them–and then get to work building them."
I can envision myself shooting laser beams out of my eyeballs. This is a sign from God. It's only because of the faithless that nobody is developing the technology for me to do this.
  • "[...]if we were really serious about protecting America and its allies, we should be spending ten times that much, visibly engaging our finest scientific minds, just as we did during World War Two, when faith and research brought forth technical miracles."
Faith and research are oxymorons.
  • "People of faith, who care about the safety of Israel, of America, of Christendom, and of the world, need to get involved in the politics of technological security, because right now, these priorities are being pushed down low on the national agenda–below bailouts, “stimulus” spending, and Air Force One photo-opping."
There's so much bullshit in this one sentence, I don't even know where to start.

1) He's calling only for "people of faith" to get involved with science. One study suggests that as much as 93% of professional scientists are atheist or agnostic. Oh 7%, save us!

2) Someone who was not trying to capture Jerusalem in a medieval crusade just used the word "Christendom".

these priorities are being pushed down low on the national agenda–below bailouts
3) To suggest that we are unable to bail out corporations and fund scientific research at the same time is an insult to what my country is capable of doing. Just like the suggestion that we can make giant force fields.

“stimulus” spending
4) $43 billion dollars of the stimulus package went to energy. There's a good deal of scientific investment within the $8 billion dollar "other" category, including the $1.2 billion dollars Energy Secretary Henry Chu sent to the construction, repairing, and research efforts of various science facilities across the country. The stimulus package is pro-science. This guy says we need to look back to World War II for our motivation for new technology, and then he decries the very method of how we were able to make such advancements in the first place--by spending cash. Why are people dumb.

and Air Force One photo-opping.
5) obamma lol
  • "Some argue that we shouldn’t even try to build these weapons, and some say they wouldn’t work."
I've had it up to here with you and your facts.
  • "The answer to the first of these arguments is simple: If the bad guys are working on new kinds of weapons, that’s all the more reason for us to get there firstest with the mostest. As a grim aside, we might imagine how history would have been different if we had lost the atomic arms race to Hitler’s Germany."
Except that we knew it was within the realm of physics for atomic bombs to exist.
  • "[...]technology can confound the once-formidable obstacles of geology and geography. If we can change the course of rivers and burrow through mountains, then surely the defense of Israel, as a physical place, is not an insurmountable challenge."
Creating laser beams powerful and precise enough to stop nuclear missiles in mid-flight is a little different than knowing what a shovel is.
  • "What we need today are leaders who have the vision to see a film such as “Star Trek,” and say, “Why not? Why not have such weapons and protections, as soon as possible? Let’s do what it takes to make it so.”"
Scientists do ask those questions, but most of the time scientists aren't looking for the next atomic bomb like you are. That's what governments are for. Star Trek helped make the big push for mobile phones. And GPS. And the PHASR, which temporarily blinds whoever it's being pointed at.

  • "Jews and Christians both believe that God made a special covenant with the Israelites, and that belief is the basis for much of today’s strong politico-military advocacy on behalf of Israel."
You're why war exists.
  • "But today, too many of us are trained to think of technology as something different and mostly apart from spirituality. That’s unfortunate, because God created the geek and the nerd, too. Not to mention every tool, and every lifesaving device, and every form of protection."
Attributing the ingenuity of human beings to some sort of divine intervention is not only moronic, but it takes all the credit away from the brilliant men and women who actually accomplish things. Stop blaming magic for everything you don't care to understand.

"I condemn false prophets, I condemn the effort to take away the power of rational decision, to drain people of their free will--and a hell of a lot of money in the bargain. Religions vary in their degree of idiocy, but I reject them all. For most people, religion is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain."

-Atheist Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek

"In Gene Roddenberry’s imagining of the future [...] religion is completely gone. Not a single human being on Earth believes in any of the nonsense that has plagued our civilization for thousands of years. This was an important part of Roddenberry’s mythology. He, himself, was a secular humanist and made it well-known to writers of Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation that religion and superstition and mystical thinking were not to be part of his universe. On Roddenberry’s future Earth, everyone is an atheist. And that world is the better for it."
-Brannon Braga




This is why the 80s was the worst decade of the 20th century.



COCAAAAAIIIIINE

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I've missed South Park for the past five weeks. This is pretty weird for me, because I haven't missed a single new episode for the past few years. I went on South Park Studios earlier so I could catch up. The last couple seasons were really starting to worry me, because Matt Stone and Trey Parker were letting their libertarianism seep through into their show, and it was getting way too preachy and annoying. That kind of stuff has its place occasionally, but I really just wanted poop jokes.

Well, it looks like they've found their roots again. I'm extremely happy.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Meanwhile, in Beautiful People News

Here's some sexy bitches

Kirsten Dunst


Rose McGowen


Ivanka Trump


Rose Byrne


Sophie Ellis Bextor

Zooey Deschanel


Emily Browning is hot as fuck, and I feel like a fucking scumbag for thinking that because she still looks the exact same as she did in Lemony Snicket. I'm pretty sure she was 15 or 16 or something back when that was filmed. Shit what do I do.


Same with Jewel Staite. I had the biggest fucking crush on her in Firefly. I saw an X-Files episode recently where she was the guest. She was 13, and looked the exact same as she did in Firefly. What the fuck dude.



Sunday, May 10, 2009

Sunday Youtube Post

I can't find this movie anywhere, I'm very very sad

Friday, May 8, 2009

Star Trek

I just got back from Star Trek. Don't worry, no spoilers.



This movie is flawless. Newcomers to the universe will finally realize what the rest of us have been spazzing over for the past forty years, and die hard fans will look at it as a pinnacle tribute to one of the greatest epics of modern storytelling. I've browsed the Something Awful thread on the movie, and the typical nerd ragers are still around like they always are, but none of them seem to be disappointed with what the movie actually was, in itself; they're just angry that someone could have the sheer audacity to taint the past of their precious Star Trek universe. They're quite sad, really.

The cast was near perfection, but John Cho was an awful choice for Sulu because he acted absolutely nothing like Sulu. He's not a terrible actor, so at least he's tolerable, but I'm sure there were much better choices they could have gone with. The IMBD forums are hilarious as always:
Isn't it a little clueless to cast a Korean-American actor (who bears no resemblence to George Takei, BTW) as a Japanese-American? Isn't that sort of like casting, er, Brad Pitt as a Corleone? Or Ben Stiller as a Swede?

Also, at 36, Cho is way to old to play Sulu in an "origins" movie. Of all the characters in the reboot, his casting seems most forced.

I'd like to know how our Asian Trek brethren feel about this.
It's an abomination, if you ask me.

Aside from the Harold and Kumar crossover, every other actor was dead-on. Karl Urban fucking nailed Doctor McCoy. His interaction with Kirk was damn glorious to watch. One hilarious scene in particular was practically slapstick. That was another amazing aspect of this movie--it had butt loads of great comedy throughout, but not so much as to distract anyone from the central plot, or take away from its seriousness. It was just right.



It occasionally even throws in some of the catchphrases we know and love ("Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a [xx]"), but it also takes care not to overdo it to the point of eyerolling.

And if you pay close enough attention, you could pick up on small hints implying the Kirk-Spock-McCoy triumvirate was taking its roots. It was awesome seeing Doctor McCoy occasionally chime in his almost pessimistic realism between Spock's cold logic, and Kirk's unhinged emotion.

The only complaint I have is that the cameraman always had uncontrollable seizures whenever there was a fight or battle scene. But I can be forgiving, because that's suddenly cool now and every movie does it. The battle scenes were all amazing, by the way.

The central story is outstanding, and even somewhat believable if you have a basic idea of quantum physics (Best line: "Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a physicist!"). Not only this, but it actually manages to end up being both a prequel and a sequel at the same time. You'll understand this genius move once you see it.

In my eyes, this is the greatest Star Trek film of all time. Yes. Better than The Wrath of Khan. It hasn't even been an hour since I've watched it , and I already want to go back and watch it again. It modernizes the series to its rightful place in non-hokey cinema. And the most important thing you're left with at the end is the feeling that even despite how incredibly awesome it was, it still only felt like an introduction movie. It leaves you wanting more. You want to see more adventures with this cast.

To make extra sure this isn't just the euphoria talking and I'm not jumping the gun, I'm about to watch The Wrath of Khan again, because I haven't seen it in years.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Shitty Movie Review - The Patriot

I watched The Patriot for the first time last night.



Holy fuck. The Patriot is a gigantic pile of shit. I mean, it's still pretty good if you look at it in comparison to most of the other shit Hollywood vomits up, but it's pretty much exactly what you'd expect from any film of its kind that chooses to completely ignore all aspects history, and instead play itself off as a heroic American epic. It's got the formula:

1) Pushing patriotism and inaccurate history to the point of propaganda, and
2) A total lack of depth in any of its pathetic excuses for characters. They rely entirely on the same one-dimensional, predictable retards we've seen in every other film ever.

The battle scenes were really fucking sweet though, I'll give it that much.

Meet our hero: Benjamin Martin. Patriot.

Benjamin Martin is a patriotic patriot. He's just a simple farmer, but with a dark inescapable past, and a passionate love for his family! His modest farm is too small for Gabriel--his rebellious, adventurous son. Gabriel seeks rebellion and adventure, and he cannot be tamed! When he finds his adventurous rebelliousness embodied in the adventurous American rebellion, Benjamin forbids him to go! You see, Benjamin experienced some dark atrocities during the French and Indian war, and he doesn't want his son going through the same things! Gabriel defies him, because his rebellious American spirit of adventure and freedom will be tamed by no man, especially not by one who isn't as rebelliously adventurous as he! But when an English Colonel thought it would be funny to shoot Benjamin's younger son in the back for no god damn reason, Benjamin took up arms once again to join Gabriel in his rebellious cause for adventure, liberty, freedom, justice, patriotism and slavery!

Meet the man who killed his other son: Colonel Tavington

Oooooh, that Colonel Tavington! Colonel Tavington spends his free time shooting innocent civilians in the fucking face with his flintlock pistol from 500 yards away on horseback, and also locking townspeople inside churches to burn them alive. He's so god damn evil, he shits Hitler mustaches instead of poo poo. The writers didn't even bother thinking up any motives for him. He doesn't need them. Colonel Tavington kills people so they will die. End of discussion. You question it? I hope you like dying. And so does Colonel Tavington.

He has no motives or direction for his destruction. He has to be the Joker or something. The Time-Traveling Joker. It's the only explanation.


"Hurfty durfty durf, I'm Colonel Tavington!"

Meet Benjamin Martin's rebellious and adventerous son: Gabriel Martin. What a dreamboat, am I right ladies!?


Gabriel Martin seeks adventure. And rebellion. His youthful passion for the American spirit cannot be tamed. It's just too rebellious. And fiery. And adventerous. He has too much of his father in him HAR HAR HAR. The only way they could have made him any more like Luke Skywalker is if they had him staring out into America's twin suns setting over the horizon. One sun is called liberty. The other one? Freedom.

The most hilarious aspect of this trainwreck was easily its depiction of race. Hey Hollywood, guess what? Whites in 1780 actually didn't look at blacks in the same way they do in the 21st century. Spike Lee is usually a raving lunatic, but he really did manage to hit the nail on the head with this: "For three hours The Patriot dodged around, skirted about or completely ignored slavery."

And it's true. Despite the dozens of black actors who appeared on screen during this film, slavery was hardly ever mentioned, and not once depicted. The only time it was ever brought up was when Colonel Tavington told a group of blacks that if slaves joined the British army, they would be treated extremely well and eventually freed. These black patriots weren't going to take that shit, you know why? None of them were slaves at all, they were all free men, SUCK IT TAVINGTON, THAT THROBBING PAIN INSIDE YOUR ASSHOLE IS AMERICA.

In fact, in the entire 3 hour span of the movie, we only see one slave, and he was freed at the end because he fought against the British. So I guess if you're going by The Patriot, the slaves were all freed after the Revolutionary War.

And just like in every historical movie ever, everybody pretends racism doesn't exist. It can be safely said that every fucking white person on earth was a racist up until the mid-19th century or so. The movie had one racist. This is how Hollywood thinks racial issues are resolved. They throw out mister "white racist who will end up learning a life lesson" and try to see how he'll interact with mister "one-dimensional wise black man." I bet you can't guess what ends up happening by the end of the movie!


First encounter:

"I am racist. Despite my blatant racism, I know of no racial slurs, you gat-flab African American!"


End of movie:
"Gosh golly, I didn't know the blacks fought for freedom too! Not only am I no longer a racist, but America will never experience any sort of racism ever again! Racism: SOLVED."

I'd like to see this technique implemented into Schindler's List 2, where the Jews convince the Nazis to be more tolerant, and are subsequently taken out for ice cream as an apology.

Nazi: "I'm so sorry Jewy McJewstein, the holocaust was wrong! Can you ever forgive me?"
Jew: "As long as you remain tolerant and respectful of other cultures! Now come on you scoundrel, let's go get that ice cream!"
Nazi: "Hold on a sec, I think I left the oven on!"
Both: "Hahahahaha!"

I just noticed that both actors are making the exact same faces in both of those screenshots - wise black man holding his head up high in reflective wisdom, and white racist squinting as hard as he can trying to understand cultural differences. Hollywood's got this shit down.

Edit:


Thursday Music Post - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds


I only discovered Nick Cave recently, and I hate myself for not find out about him earlier. He's a lot like my second favorite band Murder By Death, but without the folksy Johnny Cash element.

His CD Murder Ballads is a god damn horrifying concept album about murder. It has such uplifting classics like "O'Malley's Bar," which is about a man who goes on a killing spree while struggling on the question of whether he has free will, and then "Stagger Lee," about a man named Stagger Lee who walks into a bar, shoots the bartender in the head four times, and then forces a pimp to suck his dick before shooting him. Good stuff.

"Where the Wild Roses Grow" keeps it simple. It's about a man who courts a girl before cracking her skull open with a rock.



He has 14 albums. I only have two so far, the other one being Let Love In. While still covering some sad topics, it's thankfully not nearly as dark as Murder Ballads. I need to get a hold of his other CDs, he writes some amazing lyrics.



"Red Right Hand" was in Dumb and Dumber

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Swine Flu and Buttsecks

Just thought I'd mention this while it's still fresh on my mind. Last week, Vice President Joe Biden went on some news show and said that he's telling his family to avoid airplanes, subways, and confined public places if they can, so they won't get swine flu. It was nothing the media hasn't been beating into our heads endlessly over the last couple weeks, and everyone should being doing it if they don't want to get sick because it's common sense.

Fox News is really fucking hilarious. A couple days ago, these hosts on Fox and Friends played the clip of Biden saying these things, and sat around making fun of him. They said he was trying to scare the public. He was overhyping the swine flu. Yeah, really. Fox News seriously said this. And remember, this wasn't even an opinion show like Hannity or O'Reilly, this was on Fox and Friends. Fox and Friends is their morning news show, it's supposed to be happy and giddy and help you start the day off fresh. They neglected to mention how their own network literally called swine flu the "next black death."

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse Now
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFirst 100 Days


The current swine flu outbreak is suspected to have killed 150 people worldwide, at the very most. More realistic estimates put it at 100. Only 11 of those cases have been confirmed. In the United States alone, normal flu hospitalizes 100,000 people every single year. 36,000 die.

This is nothing but a false alarm just like SARS and avian flu, and the media is just scaring everyone shitless for ratings. It's what they do. They're unethical, heartless bastards who never bother to do any god damn reporting. If they keep crying wolf like this, nobody is going to take them seriously if an actual threat ever does break out, such as the coming zombie apocalypse for example.

Shortly after this trainwreck, the hosts asked Mike Huckabee to talk about Miss California's thoughts on gay marriage. Pretty much everybody's seen this by now, but



Miss California got 2nd place, and Mike Huckabee accused the judges of not letting her win because of her answer to this question. He said, in these exact words, "So much for tolerance," almost as if faggot-bashing bigots are the ones who are being tolerant.

Miss California thinks it's great how our country allows us to choose between gay marriage and "opposite marriage." Then she says we shouldn't let gays marry. I would like her to describe her definition of "choose." And opposite marriage. This woman is a complete dumbfuck, and I'm guessing she's used to free passes in life because of how hot she is. Her sorry excuse for a mind contributes absolutely nothing to the human race. She is a worthless sack of human shit just like most of Miss America's participants and judges, since they don't look the quality of women based on things that matter, but rather on how pretty they are.

This is the first time I've ever heard of Perez Hilton, so I don't know if he typically does things like this. But if he really did vote against Miss California because of her answer, like Huckabee is accusing him of doing, then Perez Hilton is a hero. This woman's shameful opinion is worthless and disgusting. It only showed America that she doesn't want others experiencing the same happiness she's able to. It proved just how cold and empty her heart really is. If this competition was actually based on morality, intellect, and things that actually matter, then her losing it was pure justice.

You should respect someone who disagrees with you if they're able to back up their claims with arguments that are rational and make sense. Opponents of gay marriage are the only widely accepted group of people in the country whose opinions do not deserve respect in any form. You don't respect racists. You don't respect sexists. Just like with racism and sexism, their worldview is not based on any sort of rational argument, but rather on blind fear. They say the bible opposes gay marriage, while refusing to acknowledge the fact that our government cannot endorse Christianity as law. They say it's not natural, when there are literally thousands of documented accounts of animals in same-sex relationships, sometimes adopting and successfully raising orphans that would have otherwise perished. They say it's not "traditional," when the word is absolutely meaningless and contributes nothing to the debate. They say it will lead to polygamy, incest, and bestiality, when gays aren't asking for any of these things, and they're avoiding the discussion entirely.

Gays getting married will never, ever effect them. And yet they still feel the need to suppress the rights of others so they can pat themselves on the back and be smothered with their sick delusion that they are somehow doing the right thing. I seriously think that most of these idiots think you have to be gay to support gay rights. Either that, or they harbor homosexual urges themselves and can't deal with it, so they lash out at the faggotry outside their heads as a defense mechanism. I'm really trying to figure out why these people think like this. They cannot be reasoned with. It's beyond their capacity to question established thinking, because the mere thought altering their safe little box just downright petrifies them. Human beings are separated from the animals by our reasoning powers, so I guess that means they're less human than the rest of us.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Monday Youtube Post

What is it, like the third week in a row I've forgot about this?

Friday, May 1, 2009

This shit's like wrestling





PANAMA.

GIVE IT TO ME.