Sunday Youtube Post

President Obama is planning on assassinating himself

So then once he's dead, "they" will be able to take over the government!

The good stuff starts at about 5:15



Step 1: State misinformed opinion with no factual basis whatsoever.
Step 2: Build off of that lie to come up with more lies.
Step 3: Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

"I want to be wrong on this, I don't want to believe these things!"

Conspiracy theories exist because people like to bypass all forms of logic and jump immediately to what they want to believe. So Glenn Beck is lying.

Have you euthanized your grandmother yet? And you remembered to spare her if she's black? Good. Now we must move on to more pressing matters. Rush Limbaugh went on Glenn Beck. I know, I know. After the blood stops gushing out of your nostrils, take a deep breath. Watching this will not be pleasurable. But it is our duty as unamericans to know exactly who the good guys are, so we can squash them out quickly. If it's too much for you to handle, rub the turban on your head for luck, and take another dosage of your required abortion pill regimen which ACORN has so generously sent to us all. Beck and Limbaugh are on to us, but we cannot give up hope. All Heil Comrade Obama (Peace be Upon Him).


You can tell by their use of big words like "TOTALITARIAN SYSTEMATIC DISMANTLING OF FREEDOM" that these are some pretty intelligent people. They should not be taken lightly. But Comrade Obama has come too far to be taken down now by an obese pain pill addict and an alcoholic conspiracy theorist. Their unbridled patriotism and understanding of this dastardly "Constitution" is nothing compared to the iron fist of Comrade Obama. Be strong, my fellow zombie soldiers. Praise Allah.

Confirmed: Republicans have no souls

"The idea that the government is the solution to our problems is an inaccurate, a very inaccurate statement."

Coburn '10: The government shouldn't exist!

Sunday Youtube Post

So much nostalgia...

Saturday Music Post - Hans Zimmer

Hans Zimmer



I can't really stand traditional classical music. It seems too random and disorganized (I have never studied music theory in any way, I know what I'm talking about). It's nice for when you're reading or studying or something so you can keep focused, but on a level of actual enjoyment, I just can't get into it. Additionally, the only operas worth listening to have all been played to fucking death on car commercials and movie trailers, to the point that they've lost any significant emotional impact they may have once had. But it's okay. I have a substitute. I'm a little ashamed to admit that I am a huge fan of film music. Hollywood has a monopoly on everything beautiful in modern orchestra, and that is really fucking depressing.

There is no better film composer alive than Hans Zimmer. To name a few, Zimmer wrote the music for films like The Thin Red Line, Gladiator, Batman Begins, The Dark Night, Black Hawk Down, Pirates of the Carribean, The Da Vinci Code, The Last Samurai, Pearl Harbor, and Hannibal. He has seven Grammies. I haven't even seen most of the movies Zimmer's made music for. It makes the music better when you go into it with a blank slate. Hans Zimmer is the best. Hans Zimmer is glorious. Hans Zimmer is the only person to have shoved me on the brink of tears with music alone.

The Thin Red Line







-

Crimson Tide





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The Last Samurai
(Hands down, the greatest soundtrack ever written. Shut the fuck up about Star Wars.)







-

Gladiator







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The Da Vinci Code





-

Black Hawk Down

Jon Stewart has been on a freakin' roll this week. Last night, he ripped open Fox's hypocrisy.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Fox News: The New Liberals
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

And tonight, he shamed the media even more by having the only intelligent discussion on health care ever shown on television. It's split into two parts. For some reason, it looks like they cut out some of the interview before part 1, but that's okay. This is long and somewhat confusing, but it really is worth the watch.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 1
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 2
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

Maybe I'm analyzing this too much, but I can't be the only person to have noticed the body language in this interview, right? Stewart's always leaning forward, very calm and collected. McCaughey can't seem to sit still at all. She's always glancing back towards the audience, like she's looking to them for help, or she's trying to sell something to them. It's as if she's in it impress people, and Stewart's in it to have a debate.

Stewart and Colbert are off for three weeks, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.

Look out Sheldon Whitehouse, Barney Frank is after my heart.

My fucking rage over my Twilight review last night is still pumping through my cold, dead veins. I've been browsing the Twilight thread from that Something Awful link in the last post. Poster "Dimentia" has some very interesting thoughts.

I think one important thing to remember is that a tween/teen who already has the appetite for literature knows when they're reading beneath them. I read way too many Princess Diaries books in my teens, but knew they were just silly pop culture fluff that helped to cure many hours of boredom.

The difference with a lot of Twilight fans, as evidenced by the people who write hate mail to the Anti-Twilight Movement, is that they honestly believe that it is the "greatest book ever" and rant about how boring authors like Austen and Steinbeck are. In cases like that, I really think the "at least they're reading" argument is invalid - not only are they reading poorly written shit, they're actually refusing to expand their reading list to something with more substance.

[...]

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but it reeks of anti-intellectualism that so many people defend Twilight as a book series that is okay if you don't think about it too hard. I agree with Krakened that it's almost unfathomable that people are actually seeking out ways in which not to 'think'. It's the same old fear of being intellectually challenged that allows crap like The Da Vinci Code to be a worldwide bestseller and G-Force to be top of the box office. Escapism is fine once in a while, and maybe even educational (if you're capable of analyzing what it is about the book that creates the psychological response of escapism), but four several-hundred-page novels worth of mindlessness?

[...]

Twilight [...] has subtexts of misogyny and self-loathing when it comes to female sexuality. One basic tension in Edward and Bella's relationship is that she wants to fuck him, and he wants to wait until marriage. This whole abstinence theme has the result that a relationship that is already based purely on lust turns into sexual frustration and obsession. When they do finally get married and consummate their marriage, Bella is basically punished for her desires. She is knocked unconscious and injured by Edward (who apparently couldn't control himself even though he was the one who wanted to wait that long) and doesn't even remember her first time. In a supposedly romantic situation, we instead get implications of violent marital rape. And, on top of this, she's knocked up with a demon spawn who practically tries to kill her from the inside.

When I point out these sorts of observations to Twilight fans (with supposed university educations), they just blink in confusion and admit they'd never thought about Twilight like that before...and then go right back to being obsessed.

Also, I've come across quite the treat.

If 'Twilight' Was About Dragons (And Contained More Fisting)

Here's a synopsis, but it really does deserve to be read in full. I was almost on the floor.

In a sentence, this is a story about Bonita Ingénue a 15-year-old, misunderstood young woman who gets rescued from her provincial, boring life and whisked away to a fantastical world of exciting, sensual, magic and erotic, thick, penetrating whimsy. At the beginning of our tale, she leaves her hometown of Backstory, Massachusetts for the excitement and intrigue of Excitetrigue, Colorado. The kids at her new school are all impressed with how one dimensional and uninteresting she is and it’s only a matter of time before all of the popular boys ask her out on romantic dates in the hopes fingerblasting her. Even though Bonnie has her pick of the litter at school, she really has her heart set on Theo, the mysterious boy who lives just outside of town in Dragon Hills. Theo has feelings for Bonnie as well, but he also has a deep, dark secret. A deep, dark dragon secret. He is a dragon.

Shitty Movie Review - Twilight

I've been wanting to watch Twilight for a long time. It just looked SO BAD. It was BEGGING to be made fun of. My expectations of its shittiness were not only met, they were surpassed. Beyond description. I wonder how truly soulless a Hollywood executive would have to be to sign off on a movie like this. Then I chuckle softly at the thought of stabbing that person in the fucking neck with a pencil. Hee hee.



Twilight takes place in an alternate universe where existence itself is engulfed in a blue-ish tint. It's about an angsty teenage girl named Bella. Her parents are divorced. She decides to go move in with her dad. Then she meets a metrosexual vampire named Edward, and they stare at each other for two hours.

The end.

Honest to god, that is it. That's all it is. There is no plot. There is literally nothing. That trailer up there? That is the entire movie. I just saved you two hours. You're welcome.

"Oh hi, I'm a vampire."

It starts out with Bella being the new girl at school. She is creeped the fuck out by Edward. Then she finds out he's a... a... (say it.) a-- vampire! After she discovers his undying craving for human flesh, she immediately falls in love with him. Sounds like a reaction of a mentally stable person, if you ask me. Cue an entire hour of Edward and Bella staring at each other with rape eyes. Then they talk about the weather. Really. They go and talk about the weather. They're in the wettest place in the continental U.S., you know. Then they play baseball. No, really. She and Edward's vampire friends play baseball for ten minutes. You may wonder how this progresses the plot in any way, but you forget this is Twilight, and Twilight has no need for stupid things like plots. Then an evil vampire suddenly decides he wants to kill Bella for no god damn reason. Then Edward saves her. This "climax" is thrown together almost at random, and is extremely rushed. The end.

None of the characters have any personality or motivation whatsoever. I don't know how accurate the movie is to the book, but whoever the hell wrote this didn't even fucking try. Edward wears a single facial expression for the entire movie, and not once does he ever deviate from it. He loves Bella, but he constantly has to fight his vampire urges to consume her blood. It was hilarious, because every time they kissed, he looked like he was in pain, as if he was gay and hated every second of it. That's believable, at least.

"O hai, did u know I'm a vampire?"

Bella on the other hand is nothing but a worthless damsel in distress, and her very existence pushes back women's rights by forty years. Seriously, is Stephanie Meyer a masochist or something? Does she hate her own sex? (Dr. Drew might want to have a word with her. Where's her father at?) Bella is an utterly powerless stereotype, depending entirely on her knight in shining armor (or in this case, her pale emo kid in sparkling faggotry). Bella didn't even try to fight back when the evil vampire was kicking the shit out of her and laughing. She just sat there and cried and accepted her death without a struggle. In recent years, we've really been seeing a surge of powerful female characters in storytelling, and it's been ridiculously awesome. Stephanie Meyer just bent over and shit on all of it. Good job, Stephanie Meyer. That's a very powerful message you're sending to young girls -- be helpless, cry, and let everyone walk all over you until your emo boyfriend shows up.

Every damn line of this trainwreck was a forced one-liner. We're left with such classics as,

• "Say it."
• "It's the skin of a killer!"
• "My monkey man."
• "Hang on tight, spider monkey."
  
• And who can forget, "Debussy." Then, cue scene where Edward plays a piano for no reason. Wow, very original Edward, you actually know who Claude Debussy is, you're so deep and vampiric. Swoon?
  

"I play piano, I'm totally deep and damaged. I am SUCH a vampire you guys, you don't even know."

I sometimes enjoy gazing upon terrible things. Like the car wreck analogy. You just can't look away. And honestly, I am a little curious -- I kind of want to read the book. But I'm not going to. I'm a little afraid my face might melt away like in Indiana Jones.


"Wow, this book is pretty terrib-- HOLY SHIT, LIKE, MY FACE IS TOTALLY MELTING NOW!!"
This goon in his hilarious review had my same curiosity, and his message is: STAY THE FUCK AWAY. The title of the thread is even called, "Stephenie Meyer's Twilight: I hate this woman". Best excerpt:

I spent the majority of the book bewildered at what was going on... not because of clarity issues but because... it's just so stupid. I don't even know where to start tearing into this shit. You should really go to her website to get the full effect. Its like reading the myspace page of a bitchy, PMS-ing 14 year old girl. No self-respecting 30-year-old woman should be writing the kind of bullshit that she writes and more importantly no one as fucking stupid as her should've procreated. I am disgusted that she has three children. Really? You felt the need to pass on your genetic predisposition to suck at everything onto three unsuspecting Womb Lice?! I hope those boys grow up outside of your influence and go on to have successful lives where they pay to have you put in a home because lady, you are deranged.

A random commenter chimed in,

I lose respect for people who like these books. They are that bad.

Pretty much every person I know who's a fan of the series admits they know how dumb it is. But every one of them excuses it with "it's just good harmless fun." I disagree, I actually think it's quite unhealthy to eat out of a garbage can. Reading is supposed to exercise the mind. It's supposed to enhance your imagination. The thing is, you just don't think when you're engrossed in a mindless story like Twilight. You can't. It's no better than spending hours in front of a television; it forces your brain into sleep mode and rots it. There's nothing new. There's nothing worthwhile. There's nothing to take away from it. It's pointless. It's reading for people who hate reading. There is such better stuff out there that they could be devoting their time to. They'd rather munch on this dog shit, than eat a juicy steak.

I will never understand why this series is so popular. It boggles my fucking mind. I really think it's just a domino effect or something. It probably started when a few dumbfuck preps in a high school found it. I'm guessing these morons could barely read street signs, let alone an actual novel, so they immediately love Twilight because they can't define a "good book". Everyone else instantly follows along so they can be cool. POOF! Stephanie Meyer is suddenly swimming in money she does not deserve. I cannot think of any other explanation--I'm saying this with complete seriousness. Twilight really is that fucking terrible. How can any self-respecting person ever genuinely enjoy it?

It's perfectly fine if you like the romance genre (not really). But don't read Twilight. Go read Pride and Prejudice, or Gone With The Wind, or Romeo and Juliet, or you know, a romance that's actually good. For god's sake, go read Harry Potter or something. Don't Ron and Hermione hook up or whatever? Or Dumbledore and Gooblepuss or someshit? I don't really know what the fuck I'm babbling about at the moment, but there are romances in it, right? Twilight on the other hand is nothing but a disgustingly horrible fanfic. It has no originality. It has no depth. Meyers has no talent. It is fucking trash. What's even more astonishing than the fact that it even got published, is that they ended up making a god damn movie out of it. I usually love watching shitty movies because they're always hilarious, but I am absolutely refusing to watch Twilight's sequels. The mere fact that people take this seriously sucks all the fun out of it. It's just too depressing.

Jamming a fork into my eyeball would be more pleasurable than watching Twilight again. When I lay on my deathbed seven million years from now, I am going to shake my fists furiously in the air, and curse Twilight for robbing me of two additional hours I could have had residing within my conquered universe. Curse you, Twilight.

CURSE YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!
(echo, echo, echo, echo)

"Vampire."

Other shitty movie reviews:
The Patriot

Sunday Youtube Post

Read this guy's book, it's pretty fucking mindblowing.

The walls in Glenn Beck's garage are probably plastered with newspaper clippings.



"I think that's a connection!"

By now, it's more than obvious that the fascist uninformed whackjobs have triumphantly won the Republican Civil War. This should be no surprise to anyone, because these are the people who believe whoever shouts the loudest wins the argument. That's evident to anyone who's been following the news over the past week. Morons who know absolutely nothing about the health care bill, or the founders, or the way their own damn government works, have been going into town hall discussions over health care and shouting as loud as they can about random, irrelevant crap. These same people complained about dumb hippies interrupting discussions/speeches about the Iraq War, and then they go and do the exact same fucking thing. Why do only dumb Americans get air time? This is why the rest of the world think we're a bunch of retards.

Exhibit A: It must have been pretty painful for O'Donnell to hold back on this idiot for the whole interview. It's embarrassing to watch.

"...You know, yeah, I mean, there are programs in place that the founders did not want to have here. I know there are people out there that can't afford health insurance, that can't afford a lot of different things, and, you know, with the founders, they thought and hoped that the goodness of the people would allow the people to take care of those who are doing without. And I know that may seem naive in today's, you know, world... um..."

Of course!

Thursday Music Post - Morphine

I'll start making real posts again soon, I promise



Morphine is an extremely unique band. Bass, saxophone, drums. That's it. They're a mix between jazz, blues, and rock, describing themselves as "low rock." Singer/bassist Mark Sandman would usually play his custom two-string slide bass, and sometimes even a one-string. With that, combined with his haunting voice and Colley's bari sax, Morphine has been some of the most relaxing shit I have ever heard. In July 1999, just after their last album was completed, Sandman collapsed on stage and died of a heart attack. Morphine immediately disbanded.

Sunday Youtube Post

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Saturday Youtube Post

Leaving for Michigan in seven hours, be back next week.