PRESIDENT OBAMA'S TELEPROMPTER IS GONNA STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

Barack Obama's state of the union address tonight was moderate, sane, and not partisan in any way. Much of it was a rally to come to together. It was the same message he's been repeating ever since he was thrust onto the national stage. Republicans responded to it by continuing to be the most blatantly partisan and idiotic shitbags they can possibly be. These people are taken seriously by half the country.

For some reason, Republicans felt it necessary to respond to the president's state of the union tonight twice. One response was from the actual Republican party, and the other was from the Republicans again, but as the Tea Party I guess. Because they're two separate entities, you know! The Tea Party hates both parties, tee hee!

Here's the Tea Party's response. You can watch it if you really want to. In it, Michelle Bachman literally compared Republicans fighting against Barack Obama to American soldiers who fought the Japanese on Iwo Jima. Obamacare is cutting fetuses out of pregnant women and impaling them on bayonets! How's all that hopey changey stuff working out for you, America?



On the chart she introduces at 1:15, the numbers she attributes to Barack Obama were actually the results of the Bush Administration. She blamed the FY 2009 deficit on Obama. I'm glad we can all agree that Republican policies fuck the country.

She also said unemployment "spiked" and the stimulus "failed." Here, I have charts too.





Tonight, Barack Obama made a goal for the United States to be run on 80% clean energy by 2035, strongly emphasized K-12 education, and vowed to crack down on corporate tax code loopholes. I don't know if any of that will happen, but I'm going to go with the guy who tells me how great America can be, rather than the party who lies right to my fucking face. I'm not the sharpest knife, but I'm certainly not dumb, and I don't appreciate being treated like it. Fuck these people.