Camp ended for good on Saturday, and I'm already depressed about it. On Friday I sort of had a moment as I was cleaning up the ranges for the last time, when the smell of gun oil was emanating off my clothes and I heard nothing but the birds chirping and the wind blowing, and the significance of what I'll be missing really hit me hard. I nearly choked up, which kind of shocked me at the time because I'm not really emotional towards things that aren't my favorite television shows. That night we built a fire in this little wooded area near the tents and hung out as staff for the last time. At the end I felt like I had to say something, and so I pretty much just poured my heart out and told everyone how much I loved them and how much I'll miss making memories with them. I was getting teary and I felt like I was about to lose it, and so I had to end it a little more quickly than I wanted. But as soon as I was done, the entire staff got up almost simultaneously, and I was in the center of a massive hug. I got compliments on the speech afterwards from like three or four people, and overall it was a very satisfying ending, and oh god I don't really want to think about it anymore.

I don't like leaving blogposts with no actual content in them, so here's some Red Sparowes. This isn't connected to the story in any way, I simply discovered them recently and they're fucking badass.

Camp Emo Post

My week off from camp started today. We'll go back next Sunday, and then we'll have another batch of scouts for one more week before it's over for good. Usually we do about five or six weeks every summer, but scouting doesn't have money anymore and the whole program is basically imploding, so we can only afford to do it four weeks this summer. It's very unfulfilling, and it doesn't feel like a complete year at all. Most of the veteran staff won't be coming back next year, including myself (school). Program Director Skippy has been entertaining kids at Camp Bunn since I was eleven years old. He's now my boss. He is one of the most hilarious and heartwarming people you could ever meet. He's been a huge influence on my life, and he's one of the main reasons why I decided to go work there in the first place. This is Skippy's last year too.

This year's been a huge letdown, honestly. The staff has gotten unbelievably lazy, both in work and in being social at night, and it's really just not as fun as the previous years at all. Me and a few others have been trying pick up some slack and encourage things, but it doesn't do much when no one is really inspired. I've known Camp Bunn for half the time I've been alive, and the best memories of my life are all there. It is very depressing that it all has to end with such a whimper.

Last night at firebowl, Amanda got up there and told all the visiting parents a little story from earlier that day. She explained that her day had been absolutely terrible, and she was just in a horrible mood. Then a little scout walked up to her, and gave her a poorly made bracelet, which he gives to his favorite staff member every year. Amanda was in front of this crowd looking like she was on the brink of tears, explaining that all she needed was a quick kick in the butt to remind her of why she was working there. I know it sounds cheesy as hell, but that right there is probably the best memory I'm going to take away from this year. I can complain all I want about how much the staff sucks, or how little I get paid, or how it seems like half the girls working there have annoying little crushes on me; but when it all boils down to it, I am having a fucking blast shooting guns with those kids. I was down on the shooting ranges for almost nine hours straight yesterday shooting off guns and making sure kids didn't kill themselves, and it was probably the most stressful and exhausting day I've ever had at camp. But even then, I still can't say it was all that bad. I don't have any right to complain, because I just have so much fun doing it. The look on a scout's face after pulling the trigger of a shotgun for the first time is one of the most hilarious and beautiful things you will ever see in your life.

I was fucking swamped yesterday at the rifle range. All day. They just. Kept. Coming. I'm the only staff member who is ever down there, so as you can imagine, it started getting pretty hectic. A scoutmaster popped up out of nowhere and just started helping me. He stuck around for hours, and I really don't know what I would've done without him. At one point I pulled him aside and said "Thanks a lot, I really appreciate you're doing." He looks at me and says, "No, I appreciate what you're doing. You're doing a lot for these kids, thank you." I'm going to take a lot away from Amanda's story for the simple fact that I could relate it to a similar experience on the exact same day. Leaving is really going to hurt.

Saturday Youtube Post

Leaving for camp tomorrow for the summer. Won't be back until July 19th, with a week off somewhere in there. I'll only be back Saturday nights, so Sunday Youtube Posts will be Saturday Youtube Posts for the summer.

Friday Youtube Post

Skippy decided to put me on rifle and shotgun this summer instead of archery, so coworker buddy Amanda and I will be carpooling to Missouri tomorrow to some scout camp so we can be trained for our respective jobs (she's waterfront director). I'll be gone for a week, so I'll do this today.

The artist is Jamie Hewlett, he draws the Gorillaz.

I lost twenty pounds during camp, and I can say I'm almost in somewhat decent shape. I've been looking for an excuse to finally start working out, and this right here seems to be a better time than any. I've only exercised twice since I got back, and I've already lost another two pounds. This shit's easier than I thought. And I'm not even doing all that much, either. Buncha push ups, and a buncha those bicycle kick thingies where you twist your abdomen. That's all, and it seems to be working. I guess a sexy bod just kinda morphs around me naturally, amirite ladies? (flexes)



I wasted half of my first paycheck on iPod Touch, and it is fucking amazing. I spent a couple bucks on this iFitness app, and it's pretty sweet. It gives me a bunch of images and instructions on a couple hundred different exercises, keeps workout logs for me, and gives me cool charts n' junk. It tells me I only need to lose four more pounds to move from "overweight" to "normal". In my defense, the BMI is kind of bullshit anyway, since it classifies George Clooney as "obese."

I'm also gonna try to get involved with the gym my dad stopped going to. The next hurdle will be eating food that doesn't slowly kill me with every scrum-diddly-umptious bite. I've never had a salad in my life, this'll be fun.

As ridiculously awesome as this iPod Touch is, here's the complaints. It is really fucking small. 16 gigs for three hundred bucks? Seriously? And the only model that's bigger is a hundred dollars more. That's only 32 gigabytes - the biggest one they have. My first mp3 player ever was 70 gigs, and I'm a little confused as to why technology is suddenly getting worse. Listen Apple, I understand - this new iPod is thin as fuck, there's not a whole lot of space inside the thing. But I don't give a flying fuck how thin it is. Make it as thick as you have to. Just give me something that I can actually fit all my shit onto. I have about 20 gigs of music, and 13 more in podcasts. Even if I chocked up the four hundred bucks for a 32 gig model, all that still wouldn't fit on it. And give me some god damn bluetooth, for crying out loud. You already have wifi on the thing, some bluetooth wouldn't be that fucking hard.

But it was worth it because of all the other shit it can do. Check owt dis app I bought:



It is fucking amazing, and I am a nerdy faggot. You point your iPod at the sky, and its motion tracker causes the stars on the screen to shift to wherever you're looking at. I wish I woulda had this at camp for the times we went stargazing. It says nothing about magical shooting stars though, so I guess they don't grant wishes after all.

In addition to this, I also got Mass Effect Galaxy, Oregon Trail, Knights OnRush, and the Price is god damn Right. Most were on sale for a dollar.

Back from Camp Bunn until next summer. Fucking hell, I missed it.

This was Sam's last year. Sam's been working the climbing tower since I was twelve. He's getting a bit older and is having some trouble with his knees (I think) and I guess his wife would like him home. Sam is without a doubt one of coolest people I have ever met, and I wish I had the chance to get to know him a bit better. I didn't find out until near the end of the summer that he's a political science professor, so I brought that up at one point and we had some pretty cool discussions during the last week.

And the chickens. Oh god, the chickens. Sam has two rubber chickens named Friar Cluck and Cluck Norris. To entertain the scouts, the staff "kidnaps" these chickens, and then write ransom notes during the week. Sam reads these ransom notes to the camp during meals. Various demands this year included Jeffy having to paint his truck bright pink, Sam shaving his beard off, and me and Tyler getting up to sing the power rangers song to everyone. We don't negotiate with terrorists though. Pictures are also included with these ransom notes to show Sam that the chicken-nappers mean business.

Sam neglected to show that last picture to the scouts like he did with the other ones. Can't imagine why.

People who manage to climb all four walls of the climbing tower get the Spiderman Award. I've never even attempted it before, but this was Sam's last year, and I wanted him to be the person to give it to me. The first three sides were no big deal, but fuck, that expert wall was a bitch. The tower's only open Monday through Wednesday, and only one difficult wall is open on each day (the beginner's wall is always open). I tried the expert wall on Wednesday. The halfway point is the hardest part of this wall. The grips are very small, very awkward, and very spread apart. I got about halfway up, and I needed down for a water break because my throat was getting really parched and distracting me. Tried again, got halfway up, needed a break. Tried one more time, I got past the halfway point, but by then I was too exhausted and couldn't pull myself up anymore. My arms were fucking destroyed. Then I came back after dinner to try one more time. This was the last week, and I was the very last climber. If I didn't get it then, I'd have to wait a whole year. My arms were still sore as hell, but I made sure to drink lots of water during dinner so they could have a bit more fuel. I got up past the midway point without too much difficulty, but near the top my arms were giving me a bitch fit. But I finally pulled myself over, and I got that motherfucking god damn Spiderman Award. And then Sam wasn't even the person to award me at the firebowl. It was Pete. FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Chris is another person I would have liked to know better. This was also Chris' last year (school). In the whole two years I've known him, we've had about two or three rational conversations. And it was almost always about music. He's one of the only people I've met outside of internet forums who's heard of Murder By Death, Godspeed, and the Black Keys. He can be an extremely intelligent person when he wants to be, but he spends most of his time just fucking with people because he finds it hilarious. Most of the discussions he's involved with has consisted of him dryhumping someone, licking someone, tickling someone, rubbing someone's nipples, eating someone's hair or grabbing someone's ass. And it really is pretty fucking hilarious.

Every friday night is Uncle Christopher's Storytime. After the firebowl, after the families leave (friday's family night), and after everyone gets done with paperwork, we all sit in a circle behind our tents. Chris calls upon a buckaroo to sit on his lap to hold the flashlight, while he then reads from his previously chosen material. His "Uncle Christopher" character is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. Some pretty perverted shit.

The last friday was really fucking depressing for everyone. It was the last night Chris will ever be there as staff, and it was the very last storytime. For the first time ever, Chris took it on a serious note. He built a fire, he had no buckaroo, and he read from a fantastic book. Half the staff didn't seem to be listening, and some fell asleep, but it was some of most incisive stuff I've heard in quite a while. And with the fire right there, it only made the mood more sad and reflective for everyone. Nobody said a thing once he finished.Chris closed the book, and for the longest time, everyone just kind of sat there and stared into the fire.

I'm pretty sure it was Jeffy who broke the silence, "Am I the only one who's tearing up right now?" That sort of piped us up a little. People started leaving for the tents shortly afterwards in complete silence, one by one. I was walking by a little bit later, to see that Chris was the only person still by the fire. It was really one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever seen. Chris has worked at Camp Bunn for a long ass time, I want to say maybe five or six years. I talked to him a bit later about it. He said to me, "That place has been the only constant in my tumultuous life. I feel extremely comfortable there."

It's the ultimate form of peace when you're able to find a place that can temporarily shelter you from the outside world. I don't know Chris very well. My first year, he told me he lived in his van for a time, and that he really fucking hates his dad. It's safe to assume that he's had a harder life than I have. I can't even fathom the pain someone would be forced to go through as he said goodbye to the safe place of his adolescence, especially if it brought him as much comfort as Camp Bunn apparently brought to Chris. I'd never be able to understand. I've never had to go through something like that.

Camp is going freakin' fantastic. This week I had a scoutmaster come down to the archery range and watch me teach class. Scoutmasters go down to merit badge classes sometimes, and it always makes the staff nervous because you don't know if they're going to write a review about you, or make negative comments about you, or go to your boss and shout shit about you (that guy was a fucking dick). This scoutmaster came down and watched the kids shoot for a while. He pulled me aside at one point and said, "You are doing a fantastic job, keep it up." It made me very very happy.

At the end of every week, the scouts fill out anonymous surveys about their time at camp. The staff can read these. Everyone always gathers in a circle and jumps to the "Favorite Staff Member" and "Least Favorite Staff Member" questions. Today I walk into the admin, and Oopie Doopie is laughing and calls me over. He shows me a review he's holding:

Least Favorite Staff Member:
Jason, because he's a dick

I don't really know how to describe the way I felt about it. I was very confused because it takes a lot for me to lose my temper, and I've never been mean to any scout. At the same time, I laughed my ass off, because it was just so direct, and didn't give any particular reason why I'm such a gigantic dick. But aside from this negative review, and another one which said "because he's mean," I also got about five or six positives. One said "because he actually made archery cool." Another said, "because he always had a smile on his face." Another said, "because I wasn't that good, but he kept trying and never gave up on me." Fuck, am I awesome or what.

Two weeks ago, we had a scout born with some sort of musculoskeletal defect in his arms. It didn't prevent him from using his arms, they were just twisted and misshapen. And he was really freakin' good with them, too. I heard he simply used his elbows to climb the climbing tower. Anyway, he came down to archery open shoot one night with his friends. I felt like shit because he was just standing back watching his friends shoot, and christ if you should have just seen his face. Well, I told him to come in. I held the bow for him, and he pulled back on the string and fired a few shots. He didn't hit anything, but he still seemed happy. It was very stupid and very dangerous, and could probably get me fired, but come on man, anybody would have done the same thing.

We have a girl from Germany on staff as part of some foreign exchange thingy, and she's extremely cool. Conversations with her are the best. We go "In America, we're all [this], [this], and [this]," and then she goes "In Germany, we're all [this], [this], and [this]" and it's so freakin' interesting learning about another country from someone who actually lives in it. Did you know the drinking age over there is 16, and guns are completely banned? Jesus, dude. She's also cursed by being quite attractive. It's not necessarily a good thing being hot and foreign around little boys who are experiencing certain feelings for the first time. I have no clue how the girls on staff put up with those little bastards.

I'm making most of the staff mad at me by explaining that shooting stars don't grant wishes. Everyone acknowledges that the wishes won't come true, but the fact that they know this and yet still continue to do it confuses the hell out of me. They can call me "boring," or "no fun" all they like, but both of those facts are irrelevant, as neither proves that the earth's atmosphere can give a rock magical powers. I'm really only making a big deal out of it because their reactions are funny as hell. Tyler joins in on it too, it's very fun. We're blasphemers. Megan totally reads this blog, hi Megan, are you having fun with your shooting stars?

There's no camp next week for the fourth of July, which is something they've never done before. We have a low turnout of scouts this year, probably because of the recession, so we're very low on funds. I guess keeping next week open would have put the money in the red. After we come back from our break, they're going to have to lay some people off because there won't be many scouts at all. The first week of the summer, we had close to 200 scouts in camp. The last week, we'll have less than 30. Most of the people getting canned are probably just going to stay as volunteers, because seriously, this job is really fucking sweet. I'm pretty sure nobody is even there for the scouts. The thought of goofing off at night is the only thing that gets us through the day.

I've been out of contact with the outside world for three weeks, and it was driving me nuts. I only knew of what was going on in Iran from the pictures and text messages my brother was sending me. Earlier this week he sent me, "CNN is saying Michael Jackson is dead." And apparently some governor went to Argentina and had sex with someone. Iran? Iran who? Oh yeah, Michael Jackson.