SHAMWOW

Did you know Star Trek is a gift from God? Because it is. The title of this hilarious embarrassment implies that it's about Star Trek being a gift from God, but it's really just trying to argue that we should invest in new military technologies. Because our military industrial complex totally isn't doing enough of that. I bet you couldn't guess this is from Fox News.

These are the ramblings of a five year old who just got back from the movie theater and thought all the explosions were really cool. I strongly advise everyone to read the entire thing, but here's the spark notes anyway in case you're a lazy fuck. I really did try to cut back on length, but there were just too many great parts.

• "[...]what if we could apply “Star Trek” technology to practical issues in front of us, such as growing the economy, improving health, and, perhaps most profoundly and urgently of all, defending the U.S. and its allies, including Israel?"

I don't... wait... what?

• "Why don’t we have force field technology? Scientists can use small magnets and lasers now for industrial processes; why not deploy giant magnets and lasers for national security? Some might say that we will get them eventually, but maybe we need them now. Right now, and in a big way–because we are increasingly vulnerable to various kinds of weapons of mass destruction. For all the progress we have made in virtualization and miniaturization, the fact remains that our corporeal selves, our cities, and our nation states are all acutely vulnerable."

Wow. Wow. I'm pretty sure we could use every technology that doesn't exist. How is it even possible for an active member of society to rationalize like this? Once when we were ten, my friend Drew Kuhnke and I convinced ourselves that the Force from Star Wars really existed. You know why? Because we were ten.

• "If force fields and the like seem far out, well, then, maybe we need far-seeing leaders."

This has gone beyond humor. It's just depressing now.

• "Why doesn’t the U.S. have such safekeeping, peacekeeping technology? Maybe the answer is that our leaders have not had enough faith. That’s right, not enough faith. They didn’t see that the futuristic techno-wonders depicted in sci-fi were signs. They didn’t see that these wonders were advance indicators of miracles that could be, if only we could envision them–and then get to work building them."

I can envision myself shooting laser beams out of my eyeballs. This is a sign from God. It's only because of the faithless that nobody is developing the technology for me to do this.

• "[...]if we were really serious about protecting America and its allies, we should be spending ten times that much, visibly engaging our finest scientific minds, just as we did during World War Two, when faith and research brought forth technical miracles."

Faith and research are oxymorons.

• "People of faith, who care about the safety of Israel, of America, of Christendom, and of the world, need to get involved in the politics of technological security, because right now, these priorities are being pushed down low on the national agenda–below bailouts, “stimulus” spending, and Air Force One photo-opping."

There's so much bullshit in this one sentence, I don't even know where to start.

1) He's calling only for "people of faith" to get involved with science. One study suggests that as much as 93% of professional scientists are atheist or agnostic. Oh 7%, save us!

2) Someone who was not trying to capture Jerusalem in a medieval crusade just used the word "Christendom".

these priorities are being pushed down low on the national agenda–below bailouts
3) To suggest that we are unable to bail out corporations and fund scientific research at the same time is an insult to what my country is capable of doing. Just like the suggestion that we can make giant force fields.

“stimulus” spending
4) $43 billion dollars of the stimulus package went to energy. There's a good deal of scientific investment within the $8 billion dollar "other" category, including the $1.2 billion dollars Energy Secretary Henry Chu sent to the construction, repairing, and research efforts of various science facilities across the country. The stimulus package is pro-science. This guy says we need to look back to World War II for our motivation for new technology, and then he decries the very method of how we were able to make such advancements in the first place--by spending cash. Why are people dumb.

and Air Force One photo-opping.
5) obamma lol

• "Some argue that we shouldn’t even try to build these weapons, and some say they wouldn’t work."
  

I've had it up to here with you and your facts.

• "The answer to the first of these arguments is simple: If the bad guys are working on new kinds of weapons, that’s all the more reason for us to get there firstest with the mostest. As a grim aside, we might imagine how history would have been different if we had lost the atomic arms race to Hitler’s Germany."

Except that we knew it was within the realm of physics for atomic bombs to exist.

• "[...]technology can confound the once-formidable obstacles of geology and geography. If we can change the course of rivers and burrow through mountains, then surely the defense of Israel, as a physical place, is not an insurmountable challenge."

Creating laser beams powerful and precise enough to stop nuclear missiles in mid-flight is a little different than knowing what a shovel is.

• "What we need today are leaders who have the vision to see a film such as “Star Trek,” and say, “Why not? Why not have such weapons and protections, as soon as possible? Let’s do what it takes to make it so.”"

Scientists do ask those questions, but most of the time scientists aren't looking for the next atomic bomb like you are. That's what governments are for. Star Trek helped make the big push for mobile phones. And GPS. And the PHASR, which temporarily blinds whoever it's being pointed at.

• "Jews and Christians both believe that God made a special covenant with the Israelites, and that belief is the basis for much of today’s strong politico-military advocacy on behalf of Israel."

You're why war exists.

• "But today, too many of us are trained to think of technology as something different and mostly apart from spirituality. That’s unfortunate, because God created the geek and the nerd, too. Not to mention every tool, and every lifesaving device, and every form of protection."

Attributing the ingenuity of human beings to some sort of divine intervention is not only moronic, but it takes all the credit away from the brilliant men and women who actually accomplish things. Stop blaming magic for everything you don't care to understand.

"I condemn false prophets, I condemn the effort to take away the power of rational decision, to drain people of their free will--and a hell of a lot of money in the bargain. Religions vary in their degree of idiocy, but I reject them all. For most people, religion is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain."

-Atheist Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek

"In Gene Roddenberry’s imagining of the future [...] religion is completely gone. Not a single human being on Earth believes in any of the nonsense that has plagued our civilization for thousands of years. This was an important part of Roddenberry’s mythology. He, himself, was a secular humanist and made it well-known to writers of Star Trek and Star Trek: The Next Generation that religion and superstition and mystical thinking were not to be part of his universe. On Roddenberry’s future Earth, everyone is an atheist. And that world is the better for it."

-Brannon Braga