Saturday, April 4, 2009


Oh, they're adorable.

A powerful bloc of 57 Islamic states is again pushing for the UN to make it a criminal offense to criticise or 'defame' Islam.

. . .

Though the 57 nations . . . have been lobbying for the move since 1999, the signs this time are that the resolution could well be made binding. While the resolution calls for protection against "defamation" of all religions, it only mentions Islam by name.

. . .

If passed, the resulting binding resolution would find its way into various UN documents all of which would require that UN member states at "local, national and international levels" start restricting the free speech of citizens to prevent public criticism of religious beliefs, particularly Islamic belief.

Fuck Islam.

Hey guys, I founded a new religion just now, it's called the “Fuck Islam Religion,” and in it we go around saying that Islam should be fucked. No one is allowed to tell me how retarded and immature that is because that would go against my religious beliefs. Who wants to help me make it illegal for every person on the entire planet to speak out against my religion?

Islam is an Abrahamic religion, like Christianity and Judaism. They all believe in the same God. Islam believes Moses and Jesus are both prophets. The Bible says that you're going to hell if you don't believe Jesus is the Son of God. The Qur'an says – twice – that you're going to hell if you believe Jesus is the Son of God. Flip a coin?

Here's some history of the religion. I actually think the history behind it is really interesting, and more people should learn about it.

Islam was founded by some dude named Muhammad in 627 AD. This was only a couple hundred years after the fall of Rome. While Europe was plunged in the Dark Ages, Arabia was actually doing quite well. Muhammad was visited by an archangel named Gabriel. Gabriel told Muhammad that he is a messenger from God. God is all powerful and can do anything, so he could have just spoke to Muhammad himself, but for some reason he decided to send Gabriel. You better not question it, or else God might make locusts eat your daughter's first born donkey or something. Zip it.

Gabriel said that God said that Judaism and Christianity are manmade lies and he doesn't want anyone believing them or else he will be very angry. Gabriel told him a bunch of stuff and Muhammad wrote it all down. That's the Qur'an. God could have just given Muhammad the book in the first place and saved him the trouble of writing all that shit, but whatever.

Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)

Then Muhammad went to Mecca and preached some junk. Then he united all the tribes of Arabia. If I were to make a guess, I would say that Muhammad (peace be upon him) was one brilliant motherfucker who made all that shit up so he could be propelled into power. Regardless, then he died. Nobody knew who should take his place, so everyone split into factions and started killing each other. This is where modern Sunni and Shi'a originate.

Then after all their little civil wars, they united again and decided to invade some shit. They had this crazy idea in their heads that the entire world should be united under their Islamic Caliphate, and anyone who doesn't accept Muhammad should be cut down like the infidels they are. Like the evil alien race in every sci fi ever made.

They expanded, and expanded, and expanded, and expanded some more, and they eventually acquired the biggest fucking civilization since the Roman Empire. They made it so god damn far, that they even briefly held a small foothold in France. Fucking France! Seriously! France!

Click for big

The battle that finally pushed them back is really kind of an amazing story. The Franks possibly had about 30,000 men -- with no fucking cavalry -- and Muslim sources say the Caliphate had as many has 80,000!! That's a lot of fucking Muslims! Though, their number is ultimately unknown, and this very well could have been exaggerated. If they hadn't been stopped, all of Europe might have fallen and Christianity might have been wiped out. Wouldn't that be an interesting alternate dimension to live in!

Well anyway, this whole period is known as the Islamic Golden Age, and what came out of it was the some pretty god damn brilliant shit about law, philosophy, and religion. A lot of it was even stolen by some Christian and Jewish philosophers, just like how they stole all their shit from the pagans a few centuries before.

Well, the Christians in Europe got a little jealous. Christian authors saw Islam as the religion of the antichrist, and its followers sex-crazed and subhuman. So the Christians, starting with the Battle of Tours up there, started taking back their shit, and drove the Muslims all the way out of Spain. Then we get over half a millennium of Crusades, Jihads, and the slaughter, torture, and rape of millions of innocent people. God high-fives Gabriel and grabs the popcorn.

“These wars are gonna be fuckin' sweet!”

Modern Islamic terrorism has many, many origins, and I won't name any of them in seriousness because frankly, I don't know what they are. I think Western expansionism and the Cold War both had a big play in it, but I'm kind of talking out of my ass, so don't quote me on that. The mindsets of terrorists like Al-Qaeda, is that they want to return to the Islamic Golden age. They want to take over the world and unite it all under an Islamic Caliphate. That is their ultimate goal.

So it's kind of funny to see all these Islamic nations banding together and doing this. The goal of Al-Qaeda is for the whole world to submit to their will, and these nations are doing the exact same thing, but by saner means of nonviolence. Terrorism and mainstream Islam couldn't be any more different, but it just goes to show that all religions have similar mindsets -- imposing their will on others. Hell, it's everywhere in America. We got stem cell research, we got the modern civil rights movement in gay marriage, we got creationism in public schools, we got abortion (though, I think both sides of this are bullshitting), we got the unconstitutional government endorsement of a religion by having Christmas as a federal holiday... there are buttloads more, especially when you look at the historical issues of our country. Like how modern Christians ignore the fact that Christians used the Bible to defend the slavery of human beings.

THE POINT IS - insecure religious extremists can't deal with the fact that opinions other than their own exist. They want everyone to think like they do, and that's why they're so aggressive. They suppress human rights, and they try to suppress our freedom to speak whatever the fuck we want. When religion is embedded into government, you get fascism. That's why we have to fight back. Every single day, the Religious Right shit on the secular Deistic principles America was founded on, and they have to be stopped. Or else we'll just end up like one of those 57 Islamic states pushing for their unabashed fascism in the UN.

I say it all the time, and I'll repeat myself: we are going to be SO much better off once the baby boomers step down from government. KEEL OVER ALREADY YOU FUCKERS, ALL THAT COLD WAR PROPAGANDA FUCKED YOU UP TOO MUCH.

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