I bought this book this weekend. Every once in a while you come across a book that helps change your perspective on the world just a tiny little bit. I'm not that far into this yet, but this seems like it could be one of them.
Ishmael Beah was brainwashed with propaganda and drugs when he was 13 years old, and became a soldier. It's just so unbelievably heartbreaking, because one moment he and his friends are learning rap lyrics and dance moves and generally doing what kids do, and the next moment their parents are dead, their village is annihilated, and they're running for their god damn lives. He was twelve. It just reinforces my belief that we have absolutely no right to complain about anything, ever.
We were almost at the end of the clearing when we heard the whizzing of another rocket grenade approaching. We sped up our steps and took dives into the bush before the grenade landed, followed by several rounds of machine gun fire. The people who were right behind us were not so lucky as we were. The RPG caught up with them. One of them caught the fragments of the RPG. He cried loudly and screamed that he was blind. No one dared to go out and help him. He was halted by another grenade that exploded, causing his remains and blood to sprinkle like rain on the nearby leaves and bushes. All of it happened too fast.
As soon as we had crossed the clearing, the rebels sent some of their men to catch those who had made it into the bush. They started chasing and shooting after us. We ran for more than an hour without stopping. It was unbelievable how fast and long we ran. I didn't sweat or get tired at all. Junior was in front of me behind Talloi. Every few seconds, my brother would call my name, to make sure I wasn't left behind. I could hear the sadness in his voice, and each time I answered him, my voice trembled. Gibrilla, Kaloko, and Khalilou were behind me. Their breathing was heavy and I could hear one of them hissing, trying not to cry. Talloi was a very fast runner, even when we were younger. But on that evening we were able to keep up with him. After an hour or maybe even more of running, the rebels gave up chase and returned to Mattru Jong while we continued on.
I love how understanding my parents are. After my dad asked what country this took place in, he went out and said Sierra Leone was not a country. I mean, I'd never heard of it either, but I'm not going to outright claim I know something about a place I know nothing about. Chris said that our mom thought this was part of my "Obama phase." It would probably make me very sad if I didn't find it so funny. Looking over the racism in her comment, it's good to know she doesn't think I'm capable of forming opinions yet and I'm still going through "phases" at 22 years old. Please don't say anything, Uncle John.
Child sexual abuse goes on a lot more than people think. Somewhere between 15% and 25% of women have been sexually abused as children, and 5% to 15% of men. That could be one in five people. Jesus fucking Christ.
The report of the commission found that the protection of pedophile priests was facilitated by “the structures and rules of the Catholic Church.” Government prosecutors and police facilitated the cover-up by allowing the church institutions to be beyond the reach of the normal law enforcement processes. Over the period the welfare of children was not even a factor to be considered. “Instead the focus was on the avoidance of scandal and the preservation of the good name, status and assets of the institution and of what the institution regarded as its most important members — the priests.”
I don't get it. I know I say I don't "get" a lot of things on this blog, but I really don't get this. You hear all these retards saying it's the atheists who are destroying everything, and then they just completely ignore this shit. Do they just block these things out, as not to threaten their sense of security? You never hear about the atheist organizations covering up child rape for decades at a time.
I mean, jesus fuck, soapbox mode motherfucking engaged -- it's fine if you believe in God, but why does anyone even bother with organized religion anymore? At all? This shit just keeps on happening, but everyone forgets it in a week, and then they go back to bashing the atheists and gays. I used to consider myself Christian, but even way back then I felt that organized churches simply got in the way of me and my God. Church is only good for a sense of community and security.
Yesterday, at a news conference, holding his hand over his heart, and with tears in his eyes, Martin apologized as a man and a bishop. “How do I feel when I have to unveil here before you the revolting stories of the sexual assault and rape of many young children and teenagers by priests of the archdiocese?” he said. “To each and every survivor my apology, my sorrow and shame for what happened.”
How about this, go fuck yourself and die. This infuriates me. Oh, you're sorry? Really? As a constant listener of Loveline, and faithful worshiper of Dr. Drew, I can tell you that every single one of those kids will be fucked up for the rest of their goddamn lives. What happened to them will constantly screw with all of their future interactions with other human beings, until they get into some good therapy (which will never happen to the majority of them, because the majority of them will be in denial and won't think they need help.) I'm usually not so fascist, but I have absolutely no problem with the castration of rapists. Fuck them. They gave up their humanity when they chose to be inhuman. I for one am very happy they're at the bottom of the prison ladders and they get raped all the god damn time behind bars. It isn't so nice, is it? Fuckers.
And what pisses me off just as much is that this won't affect the Catholic Church's unbelievable income in the slightest. There are plenty of people who refuse to give money to corporations which have donated money to gay rights or pro-choice organizations, and yet they have no fucking problem giving their hard earned cash to pedophiles and pedophile sympathizers. This is what religion does to people. They become so dependent on others telling them what their own moral code should be, and they end up just not questioning anything anymore. Then their fear and vulnerability allows others to convince them that evil is good and good is evil. Jesus titty-fucking Christ, just go back and read how they tried to justify this: "Over the period the welfare of children was not even a factor to be considered. Instead the focus was on the avoidance of scandal and the preservation of the good name, status and assets of the institution and of what the institution regarded as its most important members — the priests." I am a priest, therefore I have the right to rape children. I wish hell existed.
Twilight star Robert Pattinson says he worries about being infected with HIV when adoring fans approach him with open wounds and ask him to suck their blood.
Pattinson, who plays vampire Edward Cullen in the series, has revealed he genuinely fears for his life when fans mob him in the street.
The 23-year-old actor laid out his concerns to promote a new biography ahead of the next Twilight film, New Moon, which premieres this week.
"People ask me to bite them and want to touch my hair," Pattinson told the News Of The World.
"I just don't want someone to have a needle and give me HIV and I don't want to get shot or stabbed."
Pattinson recalled one time where a group of girls approached him bleeding from scratches they had just opened up on their necks.
"They were like, 'We did this for you' … I didn't know what to say — 'Thank you, guys?'"
"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."
[...]
"When I read it ... I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and ... it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published, like reading her — her sort of sexual fantasy about some — especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it's like, "Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy" and she just writes this book about it, and there's some things about Edward that are just so specific that ... I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation. And I sometimes ... feel uncomfortable reading this thing"
Also, here's a bunch of Twilight fans gettin' punk'd. They were told they were going to a Twilight premiere. They were not.
Penn Jillette gave a fantastic interview about a recent episode of Bullshit! where he and Teller debunk video game hysteria. I would say I should start watching that show again, but then I decided to look at a list of some of their recent episodes: Lawns? NASA? ...Dolphins?
You already talked a little bit about comics and rock 'n roll, and how they went through similar stages of misunderstanding. Do you think it is a fundamental flaw in humanity to fear new things or have misunderstandings about new art forms?
I don't know what it is. The phrase I use all the time is, “the kids are alright,” from the Who. It's amazing to me, you know, I'm 54 years old, and it's amazing to me watching my peers turn into these cartoons. They say, shit like, “well you know, when we were kids we weren't this rude, and we wouldn’t say this stuff. I would have never done this.” And it's absolute fucking bullshit, and we certainly have records going back thousands of years that adults always hate the younger generation. Adults always find a reason to hate people that are 20-years-old, and I don't know why it is. Clearly and provably every generation gets better. Every generation gets healthier, smarter, more sophisticated, and that's always been true. Twenty-year-olds are just better than us. Old people just can't seem to get it through their heads that things are getting better and that's wonderful. Not only do young people not have polio, not only are young people less racist, less homophobic, and less violent – not only is all that true, but they also have some really really cool art, and some of that art we don't understand. The problem is a question of time.
For once, an interviewer of Palin supporters remained kind and respectful. The pure ownage was no less epic.
Now watch this second video, where an armchair mouthbreather decides to be a pompous annoying Michael Moore wannabe who swears at strangers on the street.
God help me, I'm starting to get into comics. I visited Chris and Liz in Chicago a couple weeks ago, and Chris took me to this comic shop where he buys junk at every weekend. I bought $60 worth of graphic novels there. Quite a wise investment, if I do say so myself. Among them were Green Lantern: Rebirth, mentioned earlier; Batman Cacophony, written by Kevin Smith, where The Joker gets stabbed in the fucking chest; and of course Batman: Year One. Now, I spazzed out over Green Lantern, but honestly, I really can't decide whether I like Rebirth or Year One better. Year One was DC's reinvention of Batman back in the 80s, it basically shifted him from the corny Adam West Batman to the hardass Batman we know and love. Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are actually loosely based off of this. It was originally meant to be printed on newspaper-like paper, and so the color choices were extremely limited. But they managed it brilliantly.
Click for big
But what I'm really excited for right now is The Walking Dead. I just started it. I haven't been reading it recently because Dragon Age has been taking up most of my free time, but from what I've gotten through so far, it seems really fucking good.
The Walking Dead is every zombie enthusiast's wet dream. Most zombie movies follow a small group of survivors, up until the bloody climax where most, if not all, eventually end up dead. Not so, with Walking Dead. The creator does not want it to end it. Ever. So we watch these survivors interact with each other over a long period of time, we see the drama and relationships between them, we see these characters develop, we watch them die, we see new survivors being found and joining up, etc.
Again, click for big
Call me a raging faggot, but I'm thinking about making a comic of my own now. Not to sell or to make it big or anything, but just because I feel like it and it seems fun (it could also be good for a portfolio if I do it right, but who cares about that). I have something of a plot in my head. I had a video game called The Movies a few years back where you're able to hire actors to play out your own personal movies and whatnot. This plot I have in mind originates with a movie I made. I was actually a little proud of it. It's a sci-fi, almost creepily similar to Firefly, except the protagonist was much more of a mean hardass than a quirky cowboy. But I made it before I had even seen Firefly, SO I'M THE ORIGINAL ONE HERE OKAY?
Like Firefly, it takes place soon after a galactic civil war. I don't know how far off in the galaxy the civil war in Firefly spread out, but this one was limited only to the solar system, between Earth and the colonies on Mars. Earth won. Unlike Firefly, the protagonist did not fight in the war, his father did. His father died in the war, and throughout the story he'll uncover all sorts of crazy shit his dad did. His dad's old war buddy is a member of his crew. They are space pirates. It will tell two stories really, it'll focus on this pirate crew, but it will also focus on the authorities pursuing them. That crew is led by an inexperienced female captain, thrust into her position reluctantly and by circumstances beyond her control. Her story will be about her shit mistakes, but also about her rising up and becoming a great leader. I might throw in a romance or two. I'm going to try to make the reader confused as shit and not know who to side with. So yeah, a little Battlestar Galactica as well (Roslin much?), but shut the fuck up because I had never seen any BSG at the time either I'M THE ORIGINAL ONE THEY COPIED OFF OF ME, GOD DAMN IT.
The dialogue and parts of the plot in the movie version seems a little dumb in retrospect, but thankfully I've matured a little since then and I can think back and consider which parts were dumb, and which parts weren't; so I'm going to try to refine it and make it cooler than it already was. Hey, The Movies online community really liked it at least. Not to brag (well maybe a little) but I got five star ratings up the ass. 12 year olds on the internet know what they're talking about. I'd give a link to it, but The Movies' website has been shut down permanently. Fuckers.
We just got into inking in my drawing class, which is what motivated me to do this. I thought I would hate ink because of a lack of eraser, but it's actually really fucking fun, and I'm pretty proud with what I did (I might upload it eventually if I ever get my scanner working). But I haven't done any art in years and I still don't think my drawing skills are quite up to par just yet; so before starting the comic, I'm just going to practice for a little while until I'm satisfied. And in the meantime I might just write the script. I'm a little excited for this.
I've lost the original sci-fi movie (TM) I was talking about up there, so all I have to go on is memory. But in the meantime, here's another one of my movies that I really really liked. I swear to god this is pure coincidence, but it's about -- zombies. It's a comedy. I can't remember when I made this, 2004? 2005? I uploaded it to facebook for this group I'm a member of.
Carl Sagan is my hero. In 1980, he made a miniseries called Cosmos (which you can watch here in its entirety), and in it he basically explains everything ever. Sound, black holes, the big bang, the origin of life, etc. You name it, it's in there. He is almost solely responsible for making science popular among non-sciency people like myself, because he explains everything in simple terms which the average person can understand. Without him, there would be no Neil deGrasse Tyson, no Bill Nye, no Brian Greene, no Michio Kaku. We owe a lot to him. He was extremely passionate about finding our place in the universe.
Click this and skip to about 4:00. Radiolab interviews Sagan's widow Ann Druyan, and the story of how they got married is one of the most heartwarming things you will ever hear.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I truly feel sorry for people who have no curiosity about the universe -- the ones who either don't seek answers for anything, or who are satisfied with dumb answers like "It doesn't matter" or "I don't need to know how god did it." To me it seems those people are almost afraid of gaining knowledge. They don't want to grow out of their box. They will never know the happiness this right here brings me.
"In some respects, science has far surpassed religion in delivering awe. How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, "This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed"? Instead they say, "No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way." -Carl Sagan
I can't fucking believe I missed this. This was two weeks ago.
"Don't tax me, I'm a baby! Why do you hate babies? BABY."
Haha, fuuuuuccckk. The interview at the Palin book signing in the last post? Glenn Beck literally called the reporter's grilling of the teenager "child abuse." Heh.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The thing they like best about Sarah Palin is that she "upholds the Constitution". Do they know she's unemployed and has absolutely no say in how the government should work? Also, I wonder if these people would be so anti-government if they knew that their beloved Constitution was written to overturn the Articles of Confederation, in order to give the government more power.
Good, now that I got your attention, listen up. This is a followup to the Bioware post, so read that first. Dragon Age allows you to have threesomes. And foursomes. Really. No joke. Molly just sent me this video of the threesome as proof.
I read Green Lantern: Rebirth the other day, and it was pretty god damn amazing holy shit. I've never read any Green Lantern before, but they did a good job at explaining his backstory and motivations and whatnot, and my resulting foaming at the mouth convinced me of his potential to become my new favorite superhero. I used to think Captain America was the most underrated superhero of all time, but now I think it might be the Green Lantern (that title is really just reserved for whichever superhero I'm getting into at the moment who isn't Superman, Batman, or Spiderman).
In my post-comic-reading euphoria, I naturally did a search for the trailer of the Green Lantern movie DC released straight to DVD earlier this year. Instead, I got this: a fan-made trailer, starring who else? Nathan Fillion. It's actually a lot better than most trailers I've seen. The good news? An actual legitimate Green Lantern movie is in the works. The bad news? Ryan Reynolds. Ugh.
Here's another youtubez since I forgot about this last week.
Remember when conservatives were actually intelligent and realistic? Me either, I'm not old enough to remember a time before the red scare. The more I play Star Wars video games, the more I'm convinced that the modern conservative movement is more in alignment with the dark side of the force. Tell me I'm wrong.
Seriously. Drudge really did that.
Here are the reactions of a bunch of dumbfucks. If you manage get halfway through these without feeling an urge to strangle a gigantic neck and shout "HOW IS IT HUMANELY POSSIBLE TO THINK THESE THINGS" at the top of your lungs, just get out. Never come back to this blog ever again, because your inability to form logical opinions lessens you as a human being.
I don’t care what the figurehead of Japan thought. What worries me is what other world leaders see in Obama’s bowing to tyrants and figureheads. If they see pushover willing to bow the important American office to anyone, then they’ll be more apt to try to push us around.
Barack Obama is an idiot. The Obamas have no class. Just this week, his wife wore a bright blue quilted blanket to a Veterans’ Day memorial, and now O is bowing to an emperor.
His bowing says a lot about him. I wonder if he thinks people should bow to him.
I’ll tell you this. I bow to NO ONE except my God and his Savior. NO ONE. I cringe when I see Americans bow and kiss rings and the like to any human being.
I can’t forgive Obama for this, especially now that he’s done it twice. I was pissed off when I saw George W. Bush holding hands with that creepy Saudi king.
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I think I’ve ground my teeth into bits because of this m***** f*****.
F*** this traitorous m***** f*****.
F****** m***** f***** is a m***** f***** joke.
He f******* bows to foreigners, but demonizes his own countrymen.
F*** Obama.
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Its probably been mentioned, but Obama didn’t even bow correctly. You are not to look at the floor when you bow because its considered disrespectful in Asian culture. You must always have eye contact with “humble eyes”.
Wow, not only did he completely make that up, but he also thinks there's such a thing as "Asian culture." He was in Japan.
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I took Japanese in high school and regulars know I’m no Obama fan. Bowing in Japan is a sign of respect.
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“I took Japanese in highschool”
Hmmm…. I did not realize Highschool Japanese correctly teaches all the proper protocols of bowing. Not a chance that you might have been given an overly simplistic understand of the practice?
I know nothing, therefore I know everything.
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He’s just bowing because he thinks we still need to apologize to them for Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Our spineless leader is such an inspiration.
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Well, this is unprecedented — there’s never been any US president or representative who would so abase himself and us before other heads of state. Bowing is simply not in any way part of our tradition or culture. It’s not a common sign of respect or greeting here, it’s not taught as such in our public schools — except for karate or judo or part of a ‘cultural awareness’ lesson.
So why does ObamAyres automatically go in to Deep Bowing Mode whenever he meets royalty even though he must know it is Just Not Done? Hint: early training — and not in the US.
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This kind of crap should prove to the dimwits that everything Obama has done is INTENTIONAL!!!! He does not give a $hit about our country, and he will do everything that he can to destroy America.
Remember the probe that crashed onto the moon's surface? The results have come in. We found water. A lot, in fact.
"We are ecstatic," said Anthony Colaprete, LCROSS project scientist and principal investigator at NASA's Ames Research Center in Moffett Field, Calif. "Multiple lines of evidence show water was present in both the high angle vapor plume and the ejecta curtain created by the LCROSS Centaur impact. The concentration and distribution of water and other substances requires further analysis, but it is safe to say Cabeus holds water."
I made an effort to hold back my excitement when I followed along with the mission, because I didn't want any lack of water bring me down and make me feel like shit. But let me tell you, I feel just as ecstatic about this as Anthony Colaprete, LCROSS project scientist and principal investigator at NASA's Ames Research Center in Moffett Field, Calif. This is fucking huge. We just crossed off another stepping stone to getting off earth. This discovery makes permanent settlements on the moon at least possible.
Bioware is one of the best game companies out there. They're known for their massive RPGs, with huge, deep stories. The writers and voice actors really are top notch. They implement deep conversation systems, give you the choice of being good or evil, male or female, and you're potentially able to fall in love with one of a few possible party members. And call me a faggot, but I think the romances are some of the coolest parts, because they're actually believable and rarely forced.
Knights of the Old Republic
Widely considered to be one of the best RPGs ever made, KOTOR is what introduced me to Bioware. They made a couple other great games previously (Baldur's Gate I & II), but this was the first time most people were exposed to them. Because it was Star Wars.
The game takes place a few thousand years before the movies. It's your typical Star Wars story: the universe is on the verge of annihilation, and you have to save it. The game takes you through the journey of a Jedi. You start as a lowly grunt in the Republic armada, but by the end, you're a Jedi Master. It actually goes a lot deeper into the Jedi/Sith philosophies than the movies ever did, which was awesome, because honestly, George Lucas seems like he doesn't even know half the shit that's in the Star Wars universe, while he just sits back and lets other media like books and video games make it up.
This here's the final death scene of the arch nemesis, Darth Malak. It's spoiler heavy, but if you haven't beaten the game by now, you probably just don't care. I literally got chills the first time I saw him give this death speech. With the Endor-esque space battle going on outside, it's just so epic.
Knights of the Old Republic II
This was the mediocre sequel that I won't get into since Bioware didn't make it. It's alright, but it can't really compare when its best moments were "OMG, reference to the first game!"
Jade Empire
Bioware decided to do something awesome, and instead of making a game about medieval European mythology like what you see in your typical RPG, they decided to make one focusing on medieval Chinese mythology. The drawback? It wasn't that big of a hit. But it's still a fantastic game, and almost on par with KOTOR. They decided to beef up the romance options in this one. If you choose to be a male, you get two chicks to choose from. If you're female, you get one guy. Oh, and you could also be gay. That's right. Jade Empire is groundbreaking for allowing you to have a male-male or female-female relationship. Oh, and those two chicks mentioned earlier? If you're indecisive, you could just have a threesome if you wanted to. Bioware really knows its base.
Giggity.
Mass Effect
Mass Effect is Bioware's magnum opus. No mere blog description could do it justice. It somehow managed to top KOTOR even without the Star Wars License. And while KOTOR was made for the original XBOX, Mass Effect was made for the 360. Bioware certainly did not let all that potential go to waste. The game is also notable for successfully implementing space zombies. And alien sex. It's basically a Captain Kirk simulator, except with the force, except it's not really called the force.
And the best part? It's only the first game of a preconceived trilogy. There are still going to be two more games. And get this - the sequels will be able to read the save files from the previous games, and you'll be able to use your old character. FOR THE WHOLE TRILOGY. And the second one actually isn't that far off, either. We're looking at January. The trailer still gives me chills:
Dragon Age: Origins
This was released a week ago, and holy god, is it ever amazing. I've only been able to play a little bit of it, and that small taste has implanted something evil inside of me. I just can't stop thinking about it. My good computer is in the shop at the moment, so it's not like I can go out and get it or anything. And I don't want it for 360 because they took out the overhead view, and while that may not be a big deal, I do however want to get into the difficult strategy portion eventually, which is more fun with the overhead view. And then there's mods, too.
This is the most utterly massive game Bioware has made to date. A full playthrough, sidequests and all, clocks in at around 80 hours. And they really just went balls-to-the-wall with the relationships, because you can pretty much sex it up with almost any member of your party (and there are a lot, so I hear). While you still have the power to make moral choices affecting the game's plot, Bioware went ahead and simply took out an official good/evil system, making the weight of each decision its own. I am personally thrilled about this, because in all their other games, you end up either being the Dalai Lama or the Anti-Christ by the end, which never suited me because I always enjoy treading in the gray area. This will give me the freedom to do just that.
In related news, a recently unearthed bowl, dated somewhere between the 2nd century B.C. and the 1st century A.D., could very well be the earliest known reference we've found that mentions Christ. The engraving reads, "DIA CHRSTOU O GOISTAIS", which means either "by Christ the magician" or "the magician by Christ". This cup says Jesus was a magician. Magician.
(it was planted there by Satan)
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
My mac is broken and I'm on my old crappy PC so I can't take screenshots as easily anymore, but the main story on Drudge right now is "WHO'S TO BLAME?" with a picture of some American flags at a graveyard.
I only made this post for a quick comment. Conservatives seem to be on a witchhunt for Muslims after the Fort Hood shooting, because the guy who did the shooting was Muslim. And hey, he could've very well been doing it in the name of a twisted view of Islam, I'm not going outright deny it before we have facts, because religious extremists exist. I just don't understand the hypocrisy of these retards. They're so quick to judge a religion as a whole when Islam is the enemy, but whenever a white Christian terrorist blasts an abortion doctor in the chest with a shotgun, nobody gives a shit, and "normal" religion isn't to blame at all. In fact, I even read an article a while ago (I can't find it anymore) about people on Twitter defending and praising George Tiller's murder. Not only was there no huge outcry against Christian terrorists after the killing, there was actually a fringe group of lunatics actively defending them. And nobody cared. That is a thousand times more dangerous than the Islamic extremism on the other side of the world.
Randy is the best character on South Park. At the risk of raping the loading time of this blog and possibly crashing your internet browser, here's a bunch of short Randy clips.
I was browsing Crack.com last night and saw this. If I write something for Cracked, and they feature me on the front page, I get fifty bucks. I'm honestly not exactly expecting to get that far, I was just bored and felt like making fun of something. So taking my inspiration from the Sex and the City review a few days ago, I wrote this - The Quick and Easy Guide to Falling in Love in the Big City.
My next one is going to be called "The Quick and Easy Guide to Totally Banging Lots of Chicks, Brah!"
It's been interesting and hilarious watching the Republicans all jump off their gigantic fucking cliff throughout the year. Most of them worship lunatics like Beck and Limbaugh and Palin, but as soon as someone points out the lunacy of these people, they're quick to detach themselves and scream about how [lunatic] isn't the leader of the Republican party, or [lunatic] isn't a Republican at all, this isn't about republican and democrat, stop drinking dah kool-aid you mindless sheeple.
In what could be a nightmare scenario for Republican Party officials, conservative activists are gearing up to challenge leading GOP candidates in more than a dozen key House and Senate races in 2010.
Conservatives and tea party activists had already set their sights on some of the GOP’s top Senate recruits — a list that includes Gov. Charlie Crist in Florida, former Rep. Rob Simmons in Connecticut and Rep. Mark Kirk in Illinois, among others.
But their success in Tuesday’s upstate New York special election, where grass-roots efforts pushed GOP nominee Dede Scozzafava to drop out of the race and helped Conservative Party nominee Doug Hoffman surge into the lead on the eve of Election Day, has generated more money and enthusiasm than organizers ever imagined.
Activists predict a wave that could roll from California to Kentucky to New Hampshire and that could leave even some GOP incumbents — Utah Sen. Bob Bennett is one — facing unexpectedly fierce challenges from their right flank.
[...]
These high-stakes primaries, pitting the activist wing of the party against the establishment wing, stand to have a profound impact on the 2010 election landscape since they will create significant problems for moderate candidates recruited by the national party precisely because they appear well-suited to win in places that are not easily — or even plausibly — won by conservative candidates.
The tensions between the two visions threaten to limit the party’s gains in an election year that is shaping up in its favor.
Party strategists worry that well-funded, well-organized challenges from the right could force Republicans to exhaust precious resources on messy primary fights — or force moderate candidates to adopt more strident positions early on that could haunt them during the final months of the campaign.
“For me, what this says is, we need to take a deep breath and decide whether [moderates and conservatives] work together or not,” said Tom Davis, the former chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee. “And if we don’t, it can get very, very ugly.”
The funniest part about this is that they think Republicans are moderate.
The two-party system is pretty shitty, but in all honesty, it's probably the best form of government human beings are capable of using at this moment of our history. You can go ahead and vote third party to jerk off over how much of an individual you are if you really want to, but in the end, you accomplished nothing. You only helped the people you really hate stay in power by taking votes away from the "not-as-evil" party. Napoleon Bonaparte has a great quote -- "Never interrupt your enemy when he is in the process of making a mistake." Hey Glenn Beck Party, you wanna know how to keep Democrats in power? Keep reading out of that Ralph Nader playbook, thanks guys.
I don’t know why they even bothered dressing this up as comedy. If you’re going to wish death on someone, own it. It’s like hitting a guy with a crowbar but wearing a funny hat while doing it to “lighten the mood” or whatever.
If there's a particular set of noises that makes me want to kill myself, it is the obnoxious sound effects that come out of the mouths of female humans as they're interacting with each other. I'm not talking about normal conversation, or the soft, soothing "aaawwww" noise they make (which has healing powers powerful enough to cure bullet wounds to the head). I'm talking about the sounds that come out when they first meet after not seeing each other for a while, or when they hear some significantly exciting news. The "AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" or the EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Usually, these noises are accompanied by frantic jumps, and the severe shutting of eyelids. It should be no surprise, then, that Sex and the City was particularly torturous for me. Because when these four dumbfucks weren't incoherently ranting about clothes and shoes and penises, they were making these noises.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Then why on earth did I sit through it, you ask? I could have so easily shoved my laptop out of the window, you say? Well, my watching this movie is simply proof of my dedication to you - my four or five people who may or may not read this blog. I feel like I've been neglecting to make any meaningful posts recently, so I figured it could use another Shitty Movie Review. And I love writing these things, so it had to be worth it in the end, right? Right?
Meet Carrie. She's a horse going around New York City disguised as a human being.
Carrie's a "writer". I use that term loosely. She spends her time fooling everyone into thinking she's deep. She's in fact a huge plagiarizer of a popular work called the thesaurus, and she just copies down everything under the word "love".
"Love is funny..." OH REALLY? TELL ME HOW FUNNY LOVE IS CARRIE. HAHAHAHA. SO FUNNY.
"Love is like..." WHAT IS LOVE LIKE, CARRIE? I'M NOT ORIGINAL, SO I DEPEND ON TELEVISION SHOWS TO TELL ME WHICH SHALLOW ANALOGIES I SHOULD RECITE AT PARTIES.
One of the first scenes of the movie had Carrie and her empty shell boyfriend looking at apartments. Carrie just loved this particular apartment, and would've given anything to have it! The problem? It was well out of their price range. Dang it! No problem, says the pet manservant boyfriend, "I got it."
Carrie then proceeds to rant and rave to her squabbling noisemakers girlfriends about how perfect her crutch boyfriend is for her.
"'I got it', just like that, just 'I got it', like he was picking up the check for coffee or something!" "Oh mah gawd, he sounds so perfeeeccct!!"
I'm eagerly awaiting Sex and The City 2: I Got It, which takes place at the same time of this film. It surrounds the boyfriend's feeble attempts at raking up enough cash to somehow quench his master's undying materialistic thirst. He starts by taking things from work to pawn off in the slummy neighborhoods. Over the course of a few weeks, he eventually hits rock bottom, as he's forced into handing out sexual favors to truckers on the freeway, while silently sobbing and humming the Star-Spangled Banner to himself. It's all for you, Carrie.
They decide to get engaged. Then a legitimate newspaper decided to run a story about it. Yeah. Carrie got engaged you know, that's enough to publish an article. And then Vogue wanted to put her in a photoshoot. Simply because she got engaged. THIS REALLY HAPPENS IF YOU MOVE TO NEW YORK AND FIND SOME QUIRKY GIRLFRIENDS TO LOOK FOR LOVE WITH.
Then these forty-year-olds decided to talk about fucking people right in front of a five year old girl. But see, they were clever about it and substituted the word "coloring" for fucking. Oh ho!
"Let me tell you something, when he colors, he rarely stays inside the lines."
GET IT? BECAUSE COLORING REALLY MEANS FUCKING. HEE HEE. LOVE IS FUNNY.
That five-year-old girl? She's actually the adopted Chinese daughter of Yackity Bitch #2. Yackity Bitch #3 has a young son as well. I really do feel sorry for those kids. In every one of the scenes that "involve" them, they just sit silently in the background doing their own thing, while all the yackity bitches prattle on about clothes and penises. Hey, here's an idea: why don't you stop acting like a bunch of fucking fourteen-year-olds, and raise your god damn kids?
Just kidding, they'll probably turn out great.
About 50 minutes into it, I stopped. I just couldn't take it. It beat me. Considering that all of this hatred is only directed at less than half of the movie, I'm sure you can understand why I didn't make it all the way through. It was nothing but four insane whores laughing at penis jokes, and pretending all the bullshit drama they actively helped conjure up is worse than the holocaust. You know you're living your life to its fullest potential when you've convinced yourself that the the only reasons you were born is to fuck and whine. Post-feminism, guyz.
In fact, for being such "independent" and "empowered" women, they sure do depend a lot on relationships and corporate merchandise in order to be even remotely happy. Did the writers even notice this, or do they just think entrapping their characters' lives in depressing contradictions is really funny?
WE'RE JUST GIRLS IN THE CITY HAVING FUN LOL
Eventually I became so utterly brain dead due to the stupidity of what I was watching, that I just zoned out completely and tried to point out the places I've been in Grand Theft Auto 4. Grand Theft Auto 4 takes place in "Liberty City". Liberty City is literally New York. They remade the entire city inch by inch, building by building, block by block, and renamed it Liberty City. So I just kept thinking, "Oh hey I recognize this general neighborhood," or "Why yes, I DO remember banging a hooker in that alley!", or "Nope, it will never get boring running over joggers in Central Park." But above it all, I just fantasized about GTA4's protagonist Niko Belic running up out of fucking nowhere, and blowing all of these scrawny bitch's brains all over the fucking pavement. OH NO, MY DESIGNER PURSE. I should make movies. Yeeeaah.
But this film did have one redeeming feature. When the wedding officially became "off," Yackity Bitch #2 yelled at boyfriend and made the funniest face I have ever seen.
This was supposed to be one of the most dramatic scenes of the entire movie, and I was sitting here cracking up. It was the single greatest part of the whole film, and it alone justified having to sit through it. This was actually right around where I stopped. They would never be able to top it, so why continue?
The gratuitous photo shoot with the wedding dress was probably the killing blow for me. I don't understand the obsession with weddings, or more specifically, the fanfare around them. A lot of women don't even seem like they want to get married for the lifelong relationship; they only want to get married for the wedding. And the dumb bitches in this movie were no different. If there's one thing I've come to learn about the way women often act towards each other, it's that they have this strange ability to be some real deceitful, two-faced bitches at one moment, and then transform into some sort of kind, caring shoulders to cry on, the next. Basically the only way shallow women interact with each other is by trying to outdo each other in everything (this does go for both sexes, but in different ways). Even in this very film, when Carrie got her new apartment, she said to her friend "Just be what I want you to be - jealous." That's essentially what weddings are supposed to be to these types of people: obnoxious, wastefully extravagant clusterfucks, put together for the sole purpose of proving to your friends that your male hunter does a better job at providing for you. I'm just kidding, anyone who thinks these thoughts is simply a cynic who doesn't believe in love and/or marriage. At least that's what I keep repeating in my head over and over again, so I don't get distracted and actually take the corporate machine's monstrous dick out of my mouth.
In conclusion: this movie is fucking retarded. Anyone who likes this movie is fucking retarded. If you even vaguely hint at excusing it, you are fucking retarded. This should not exist. Shallow dumbshits like these girls should not be given outlets to the public. I know I probably don't have many friends who would like this movie (if any at all) but the fact remains that there are real, live people out there who take it seriously. That fact lessens you and me as human beings. We can only sit back and pray that Darwin will work his magic, and the good majority of them will trip over their heels and crack their necks before they're able to procreate and use their demonspawn offspring as fashion accessories.
My internet buddy Valerie posted this video up on facebook, and I was so utterly blown away by it, that I decided to pursue it further, and go to the main website from where (whence?) the footage came.
Behold: a bunch of fucking awesome animals.
My faggotry rating might go up a little by using the "<3" heart symbol, but I don't care... nature <3
