Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dr. Drew = The Man

Dr. Drew came to Western tonight. My brother Chris drove an hour and a half to see him.

THAT GUY RIGHT THERE? HE IS THE MAN.


I have such an unbelievable respect for Dr. Drew. He doesn't help people for the money. He helps people because people need help. He spent his own free time hosting a radio show for ten years before getting paid for it.

Dr. Drew is the host of VH1's "Celebrity Rehab", which I have never seen before. It's about celebrities handling their addictions. Tonight, he talked about Gary Busey being on it, so now I want to watch it.

Dr. Drew also hosts a radio show called Loveline with some asshole who calls himself "Stryker." You know you're radical and extreme when you replace the "i" in your name with a "y." The show's nationwide. It plays on a Chicago station called Q101, so you can go to their website every Sunday through Thursday night and click the box on the right to listen live. But I wouldn't recommend it. Instead, you should just go here and download the old shows, back when a certain person named Adam Carolla was the co-host. Adam left Loveline a few years ago and got his own radio show. But that tanked, so now he's on a free podcast. It's the #1 podcast on iTunes (it's really really good).

I started listening to the old Loveline episodes a few months ago. I cannot praise this show enough. Let me tell you, I've learned more about life in the last few months than I have in the past 21 and a half years. Here's what Loveline has taught me:

To succeed in life:
1) Stop being an asshole
2) Get your shit together
3) Stop being lazy
4) That's it. Really.

Hooking up with Women:
1) Stop actively seeking out women
2) Get your shit together. Stop jerking around. Get your life in order. Get a stable job. Get some steady pay.
3) Once womenz see you got yourself established, you won't have to seek out womenz. They will come to you.

Concerning Sex:
1) Learn oral, because chicks will never, ever climax with penises. Chicks hate penises. Find out what a clitoris is. Stop feeling threatened by your girlfriend's vibrator. Stop shoving her vibrator in your asshole when she's not home.
2) Seriously, stop it.
3) Women seek an emotional connection in relationships. Males are wired to think about sex at all times. In order for a relationship to work, the man must satisfy her mental attitude, not the other way around. You as a man cannot win. Give up.

People are really fucked up:
1) Stop having kids
2) Get some therapy
3) Goddammit get some fucking therapy. And stop having kids.

The format Drew used tonight was exactly like his radio show. He spent over an hour answering any and all questions the audience had. He's a board-certified addiction medicine specialist, you know. He's also a medical doctor, and a professor of psychiatry. He's basically got everything going for him. Chris got a hold of a microphone and asked him if Adam would ever come back to Loveline (they're talking a bit about it!) and if he would sign our books (he would, and did!)

He kept the lighthearted sense of humor you always hear on Loveline. It was great.



4 comments:

  1. oh man, you didn't know Busey was on it? thats the only reason I watched it

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  2. Hiii-larious post! I usually just lurk a bit, but I want you to know that I really enjoy what you are doing here.
    Your Evil Uncle John From Madison.
    Yes, really, it's me.

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  3. Tyler-
    Drew gave us good news about Busey, he said he's doing extremely well now, and he's like a totally new person. Maybe we lost some comedic value in the world, but at least the guy will be able to live for a couple more decades.

    Uncle John-
    Yeah I kinda sorta already knew that you found about this thing. I saw on Chris's facebook wall, you asked him if this was his blog or mine. Thanks for the kind words, I'm glad you're more liberal about these things or else I'd have to censor my potty mouth.

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  4. Do not censor yourself. I live in Madison, where we are proud that Bill O claims we commune with Satan. I find your writing to be insightful, rude, crude and just my cup of tea.

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